Emotional abuse
There is no single accepted definition of
emotional abuse which, like other forms of violence in a relationship, is based on power and domination.
Rejection
Rejection occurs from a refusal to acknowledge a person's presence, value, or worth. It is achieved by communicating to a person that she or he is useless or inferior and by devaluing that person's thoughts and feelings. For example, continually treating a child differently from siblings in a way that is unfair and suggests dislike for the child.
Degradation
This occurs from the use of insulting behaviour, such as vilifying, ridiculing, name calling, imitating and infantilizing. It aims to diminish the dignity and self-worth of the person, and affects their sense of identity in a demeaning way. Examples include: yelling, swearing, publicly humiliating or labelling a person as stupid or "evil"; mimicking a person's disability; or treating someone as though they were much younger than they are and preventing them from making normal decisions. Dehumanisation is a common instrument in wars and the
prison-industrial complex.
Conflict and Conflict Resolution
One of the single most important skills in a committed relationship is conflict resolution. What may become a surprise to many is that occasional conflict within a relationship should be viewed as positive. Conflict defines spiritual and emotional boundaries in each partner and what is considered personally acceptable. Conflict also defines acceptable behavior standards. Defining boundaries between partners is an important step if the couple is expected to grow. A partner who lacks conflict resolution skills often will threaten to end the relationship at any sign of conflict. This partner is very dangerous. Rather than dealing with conflict, this partner would rather abandon their mate. Such a partner is unable to see the relationship as a merger of two souls, but as a source of fulfillment of their own self. Partners who ‘run' at the first sign of conflict send the message that "You will be abandoned when I decide something has gone wrong". To make such ultimatums is emotional abuse. The abuser's partner lives in constant fear, fear that they will be left alone even if the abuser initiates a conflict. When this fear is realized, the abuser's partner will start withholding otherwise reasonable thoughts and actions from the abuser. This of course leads to more conflict and the cycle continues. To break this fear, the abused partner should take the abuser up on their word. Partners who lack conflict resolution skills mask this inability with control. This control results in the inability for the abuser to grow and to be a viable partner in a healthy long term relationship.
Terror
This is the evocation of extreme fear in a person, done by coercion through intimidation. It can include placing or threatening to place a person in an unfit or dangerous environment. Examples include: threats of imprisonment and legal repression, making a child watch violence perpetrated on people the child cares about or a pet; making threats to abandon or kill a child; threatening to damage a person's possessions; stalking. Extreme religiousity could also fall under this category; whereby the wrath of God is threatened if an individual behaves a certain way (telling a child they will burn in Hell if they masturbate, etc.).
Isolation
Isolation is the limiting of a person's freedom to engage in normal association with others. It may involve physical confinement. Examples include imprisonment, preventing an older child from participating in decisions about their own life, locking a child in a cupboard or in a room alone, disallowing a partner or older child from using their own money or making financial decisions, withholding contact with grandchildren, forbidding or strongly discouraging a partner from meeting with friends or family, depriving a person of mobility aids, transport, healthy living. The abuser does this to make themselves feel more important, to gain a sense of control. It also occurs in school as technique for the teacher, by forcing the students to be quiet regardless of what they have or have not done (in turn, limiting social interaction with each other), to keep the students from being "too loud".
Corruption and Exploitation
Corruption involves training a person to accept ideas or behaviour that is illegal or transgresses cultural mores.
Exploitation involves using a person for advantage or profit. The grooming of a child to serve the interests of the abuser rather than those of the child may occur prior to actual exploitation. Examples include: child sexual abuse; permitting a child to use alcohol or drugs or see pornography; or enticing a person into the sex trade.
Emotional Unresponsiveness
This entails the failure to provide care in a sensitive and responsive manner and is manifested by being detached and uninvolved, interacting only when necessary and ignoring a person's mental health needs. Examples include: ignoring a child's attempt to interact; failure to show a child affection; treating someone as though they are an object, "a job to be done".
Emotional abuse can be difficult to observe when it is perpetrated in the privacy of someone else's home, or in a closed institution. However, personal awareness and understanding of the issue is key to recognizing it. The following is a list of possible indicators of emotional abuse::*
depression:*withdrawal:*low self-esteem:*severe
anxiety:*fearfulness:*failure to thrive in infancy:*aggression:*emotional instability:*sleep disturbances:*physical complaints with no medical basis:*inappropriate behaviour for age or development:*overly
passive/compliant:*
suicide attempts or discussion:*extreme dependence:*
underachievement:*inability to trust:*stealing:*other forms of
abuse present or suspected:*feelings of shame and guilt:*Self-injury
Self-harm:*frequent crying:*self-blame or self-deprecation:*delay or refusal of medical treatment:*discomfort or nervousness around career or relative:*
substance abuse:*avoidance of
eye contactChecklist
The following lists indicators that you can use to gauge whether you are being subjected to emotional abuse (adapted from [
1])::*You understand their feelings, but they never attempt to understand yours:*They dismiss your difficulties or issues as unimportant or an overreaction:*They do not listen to you:*They always put their needs before yours:*They expect you to perform tasks that you find unpleasant or humiliating:*You "walk on eggshells" in an effort not to upset them:*They ignore logic and prefer
histrionics in order to remain the centre of attention:*They manipulate you into feeling guilty for things that have nothing to do with you:*They attempt to destroy any outside support you receive by belittling that support in an effort to retain exclusive control over your emotions:*They never take responsibility for hurting others:*They blame everyone and everything else for any unfortunate events in their lives:*They perceive themselves as martyrs or victims and constantly expect preferential treatment.:*They hate your guts and treat you like garbage when they are unhappy with your behavior.:*They love you and treat you like a princess when they are happy with your behavior.
*They aren't happy with your behavior very often.:*They compare you negatively to others.
*
Child abuse*
Domestic violence*
Psychological abuse*
You Carry the Cure in Your Own Heart by
Andrew Vachss, article that discusses the effects of emotional abuse of children and steps for the now-adult victim to take, to heal from their emotionally abusive past.
* http://www.thisisawar.com/AbuseEmotional.htm
