The Father, the Son, and the Holy Guest Star
"
The Father, The Son, and the Holy Guest Star" is the last episode of
The Simpsons' sixteenth season. The episode aired on
May 15,
2005 in the
United States. Originally supposed to air
April 10, the episode was dropped from the week's schedule due to the
death of Pope John Paul II, since this episode is based on
Catholicism.
Springfield Elementary School is holding its
Medieval festival. All the students are given roles:
Lisa is queen,
Martin is king, and
Bart is the
cooper (a role he hates).
Willie, against his will, is the village idiot. Bart is mad about his role, but not as mad as Willie. For
revenge, Willie unleashes a pie with hundreds of
rats inside. Bart is blamed for this prank and is expelled from school. After looking through other schools,
Marge decides to enroll Bart in
St. Jerome's Catholic school. There, Bart's hip, rebel attitude is frowned upon.
While holding out two dictionaries, Bart meets Father Sean (voiced by
Liam Neeson). He gives Bart a
comic book about the
saints and he is drawn into it. At home, Marge becomes concerned over Bart's interest in the
Catholic Church.
Homer goes to the school to yell at Sean, but does not after having
pancakes and playing
Bingo. After expansively
confessing to all the bad things he has done, Homer learns he has to be Catholic to get clean of his
sins. With Bart and Homer both considering joining the Church, Marge seeks help from
Rev. Lovejoy and
Ned who agree to stop them. While they are learning about First
Communion, Marge, Lovejoy, and Ned take Bart.
On the road, Marge and Lovejoy try to bring Bart back to the "one true faith":
The Western Branch of American Reform Presbylutheranism. Back at the house,
Lisa agrees with Homer and Bart's desire to join a new faith. Even after getting laughed at for being Buddhist by Sean, she says that Marge is taking Bart to a Protestant Youth Festival. Homer and Sean then leave in
immediate pursuit. At the Festival, Marge fails to bribe Bart with the banal Christian rock of Pious Riot (
Quiet Riot after their conversion). However, he agrees after he plays some
paintball. Homer and Sean arrive and engage in a
Mexican standoff with Ned and Lovejoy. Bart, in a rare insight moment, says it is stupid that all the different forms of
Christianity are feuding. The two groups agree to both fight
monogamous gays and
stem cells and to take Bart's idea to heart. The episode then jumps 1,000 years into the future. In this age, mankind is waging war over whether Bart's teachings were about love and tolerance, or understanding and peace (and whether he was betrayed by
Milhouse).
*This is the third episode in the series (After "
The Joy of Sect" and "
She of Little Faith") in which a member of the Simpson family is tempted to convert to another religion and Marge, Ned, and Rev. Lovejoy try to stop them.
*During Marge's vision of "Catholic Heaven", Homer and Bart perform
Irish dancing to the accompaniment of music from
Riverdance.
*The van driven by Rev. Lovejoy is called "The Ministry Machine", in a clear pun on the
Scooby-Doo gang van,
The Mystery Machine.
*This episode was
rated TV-14DLV, the seventh time for
The Simpsons, presumably because of Homer's mention of
masturbation. Homer's line about masturbation was cut out of the episode when it aired on Sky One (in the UK) and after several airings of the episode, it still has yet to be heard on UK television. The rest of his confessions can be heard, though.
*According to Lisa, Latin is the "language of
Plutarch." However, Plutarch wrote in Greek, not Latin.
*This episode appears to have no effect on canon. It ends with Bart being Catholic and still being expelled from school, but neither is the case in subsequent episodes.
*The way that
Quiet Riot converted to Christian Rock is similar to way suggested in the episode "
I'm Goin' to Praiseland", as well as the
South Park episode "
Christian Rock Hard". The song they sing is a religionicized version of "
Cum on Feel the Noize"
*In Catholic heaven, everyone dances to the music made famous by
Riverdance. This song is also played over the end credits.
*
Mrs. Krabappel: This Friday, we will be holding our all school medieval festival.
Nelson: Medieval?
(excited) Like
Lord of the Rings?
Mrs. Krabappel: No not at all.
(everyone groans)*
Skinner: Lisa, as our queen, you are entitled to eat the same French fries the teachers eat.
Lisa (excited): The ones made from potatoes?
Skinner: The very same.
*
Skinner: Now kids, since the Middle Ages had no compact discs or
Super Mario Men, people found entertainment in abusing the village idiot. So, let history come alive.
(Kids start throwing fruit at Willie, who is hoisted in a small cage)Willie: Wait! Let me take out my contact lenses.
(Willie is hit in the eye with a tomato) Ahhh!
(Kids laugh) Pelt all you want. Revenge will be Willie's.
(A stapler hits Willie in the face) Ahhhg, that was a stapler!
*
Homer: Log Cabin, full of taste, my stomach is with thee. Blessed art thou among syrups-
Sister Thomasinia: No prayin' to the condiments!
(whack!)*
Homer: Face it, Marge. Catholics rule! We got
Boston,
South America,
the good part of Ireland, and we're makin' serious inroads in
Mozambique, baby!
*
Marge: All of that standing, sitting and kneeling...It's like Simon Says without a winner!
*
Sister Thomasinia (takes Bart into the hallway): I don't know how they taught you in
public school, but at St. Jerome's, we don't tolerate back sass! Stretch out your arms like our Lord on the
cross!
(Bart does so) Now hold these dictionaries!
(places a dictionary on each of Bart's hands) Now think what it would be like if you had nails in your hands.
Bart: Well, I guess they'd help me hold the dictionaries up.
Sister Thomasinia: Wrong answer!
(whack!)*
Sean's dad: You're just like your mother, can't take a punch!
*
Father Sean: I was lying in the gutter picking up my teeth, St. Peter himself appeared before me. 'Sean, yah
wanker,' he says, 'repent of your wicked ways or sod off!' Then he
gobbed in my face and turned back into the streetlamp.
*
Homer (after finishing confession): Woo-hoo, I'm clean! In your face, Lord!
Sean: Not yet, Mr. Simpson. I can only
absolve you if you're a Catholic.
Homer: Uh-huh. And how do I join? Do I wail on some
Unitarians?
Sean: Well, it's a little harder than that. It starts with looking deep inside yourself.
(Homer groans) But it ends with bread and wine.
Homer: Woo-hoo!
*
Marge: Homer, you've been gone all nightâ€"and you look like you accepted someone as your personal something. Were you at that Catholic Church?
Homer: Look, I know I was supposed to yell at that priest, but he's so cool! He plays drums in a band with a bunch of other priests!
Marge: I knew they'd try to convert you! That's what they do! Well, I'm not having another twelve kids.
Homer: Marge, no one's saying twelve. Nine, ten, tops!
(gets out a pamphlet entitled "Plop 'til You Drop")*
Lisa: Everyone should be able to pick their own faith, like how I chose
Buddhism.
Father Sean: Buddhism?!
(chuckles) Well, I guess lots of kids have imaginary friends.
Lisa: I'll ignore that.
*
Ned: Uh-oh. We gotta stop them now! Once they seal the deal, there's no going back, just like the Jews with their
snippety-snip.
*
Bart: This is a Catholic church. Chicks got no authority here.
*
Bart: Don't you get it? It's all Christianity, people! The little, stupid differences are nothing next to the big stupid similarities!
*
Ned's brain (shaking hands with Sean): Note to self â€" have hand re-blessed.
*(ca. 3005: Two armies are in front of each other, equipped with rifles, crossbows, and large
Power Rangers-style robots, one of which is armed with a giant slingshot)
Bart Commander: We believe that God's last prophet, Bart Simpson, preached a message of tolerance and love.
Bartman Commander: We believe the holy
Bartman preached a message of understanding and peace, before he was betrayed by his follower
Milhouse and was pulled apart by snowmobiles until he died.
Bart army: Eat my shorts! Bartman army: Cowabunga! (The two armies then wage war on each other)*
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