Expert: Michael Troy - 1/9/2007

Question
hi. i'm 15 and i'm dating this guy who is 23. he's goes to college and is sweet and we've been together for about a month and a half now. we're not having sex or anything, we're just dating and hanging out. i'll be 16 in august and when you look at us, you'd never guess the age difference. he looks 18 or 19 and i'm 5'9", so i look basically 17. this is okay right? we're not doing anything wrong?

~sarah

Answer
Just seeing each other and spending time together is not illegal.  Having sex would be illegal in most States.  This includes any touching, nudity, etc. that does not involve actual sex.

Despite the fact that you look the same age, there are reasons for these laws.  The two of you are at very different stages in your life.  You are probably in high school while this guys is probably almost done college.  Dating an older guy can be attractive as it opens doors to a much more mature and exciting world out there.  But growing up too fast can have consequences later in life.

I suppose I would feel a little better about the situation if I knew your parents were ok with it and that you still saw lots of other friends your age and did not spend all your time with this guy.  I don't know the exact situation, so I can't advise on this except to say I think a relationship with such a big age difference at this age is not healthy.  You are also putting your boyfriend in a very difficult position.  If you two get close, he will be very tempted to take the relationship to the next level, but doing so could land him in jail and branded as a sexual prediter for life.

But that said, there is no law against simply spending time with an older person.

Good Luck!