Expert: Michael Troy - 10/26/2006

Question
I'm 16 years old and I will be 17 in April which i know is the legal age of consent in New York where I live.  I am dating a 24 year old male soon to be 25.  I know it is illegal for him to supply me with alcohol or for us to have any type of intercourse or anything involving nudity and sexual actions.  Therefore my problem is that I would like to know if it is illegal for me to spend the night at his house as long as none of these actions take place.  My mother gives consent to me staying with him and dating him.  I have a history of dating older men and the local police know this.  My last bf was 23 and I had to call the cops on him for harrassment ( but that's a different story)  I believe I have fallen in love with my current bf.  He has been told that the police are watching him due to accusations of supplying minors with alcohol and having them stay the night. We think my ex is responsible for these accusations.  He is afraid that he will get arrested because he is already in trouble for something and this could put him in jail.  My friends told me that it is legal for me to stay with him if I don't have sex, I believe this but they also say I can have sex with him too(with my mother's consent), which I don't believe is legal.  I really love him and I'm afraid he'll leave me due to stress and fear.  This is driving me insane.  I have recently become bulimic and anorexic and have become a self mutilator due to the stress.  Please say you can help me.

Answer
Hi Beccie,

It is not illegal to spend the night at someone's house, as long as your mother gives her consent.  It IS illegal for that older person to have sex with a minor, regardless of parental consent.

For more info, you may find this page helpful:

http://www.nycagainstrape.org/survivors_legal.html

It sounds like you are facing a lot of stress in your life.  You may want to consider see if you can get some counseling through your school.  If you let me know the town where you live, I might be able to recommend other free counseling services in your area.

I hope this helps!
- Mike