Expert: Calum Maclean - 5/10/2005

Question
Tell me young man,

Is it true that Ingo Dammer-Smith, a star of the Australian TV soap neighbours is in fact the long-lost lovechild of Bjorn?

Thanking you,

Quincy Jones (Medical Examiner)

Answer
Well Quincy I am not young but a veritable O.A.P. at 178 years old, but that's neither here nor there.
It would appear at first glance that the two are related as both are small, hobbitish and have cult status. However I am sorry to tell that they are not related. The reason for this being that Bjorn cannot actually breed with humans as he is a species unto himself.
Calum.