Expert: Kristen Brannock, MPH - 9/6/2005

Question
Dear Kristen -

I don't know if this is a question that can be answered by you, but I thought I would give it a try anyway.

I am a 24 y/o gay male, and started dating a 43 y/o male about 4 months ago.  So far, we have just been going out, and we have slept together (just sleeping, cuddling....not engaging in any kind of oral or anal sex), and done many things together.

He told me he was HIV positive, and I told him that I would have to think about this, and how it would affect my relationship with him.  I have developed strong feelings for him, and really find myself caring about him and his health.

He told me that he takes medicines everyday, and he tells me that his HIV virus is "undetectable" and has been for many years, and that his "T-Cells" are over 500 (which I looked at the paper given to him by the hospital that confirmed this).  

I guess I have several questions.  The first is....if the HIV virus is undetectable and the tcells are over 500, isn't that the same as a person who is not infected with the virus  (ie is he cured?)  

Second, if the virus is still present within him, what is something that could trigger it to start hurting him?  I mean what would make the virus active within him?  

Third, is it appropriate for me to pursue a relationship with an HIV positive person, though I am myself HIV negative?  I know that if I practice safer sex, that my chances for contracting HIV are much less, however what about the issues of having to deal with someone with possible health complications or even death?  In other words am I approaching this relationship like sitting on the train tracks - knowing that it will end in loss and sadness?

Thank you for your time in answering my questions.

-Shane

Answer
Hi Shane,

I will answer what I can. You may need to talk to an HIV specialist as well. Just because his viral load is undetectable, he is not cured. It just means his medicines have reversed the production of the virus. But the virus is already in his body. If he did not take his medicine, his body would begin to produce more of the virus again. I'm not the one to say whether starting this relationship is appropriate or not. There are many couples where one person is infected and the other is not. You should weigh the risks and benefits and decide what is right for you. Goodluck.