Expert: Kristen Brannock, MPH - 10/8/2006

Question
My first real love (and possibly only love) is returning to our home town after having been gone for 18 years. We've always stayed in touch through the years and it's clear that we're really getting in touch with our old feelings again.  Everything would seem like a fairy tale, but he's positive. In fact his last cell count was 176. Alot of questions I read are about positive dating negative. How do the rules change for negative dating full blown AIDS? or does it? Is it "safer" to french kiss when he reaches a higher cell count level? I truely love him and always have and I want to be as safe as possible with all contact. (that sounds so selfish of me!) Please advise. Any info will be great.   THANKS!  

Answer
No, don't think of it as selfish at all- it's just safe. I'm sure that he would want you to be safe as well.

When he comes back, I am assuming that he will have a doctor in your area. I would really encourage the both of you to talk to the specialist about this. But I can tell you a few things in the meantime.

You dont have to worry about kissing- it does not transmit HIV. You always want to use protection when having any sex (anal and oral). If he is taking medication, then he may be able to reduce his viral load which would make it even more diffifult for him to pass it on to you. That would be something to speak with the doctor about.

I think it's wonderful that you are finding true love again and I wish you both luck! There are lots of couples out there where one is positive and the other is negative, so you're not alone. It may help to do an Internet search to see if there are any personal stories about how other couples have addressed this.