Expert: Dr. Harriet Johnson - 10/17/2009

Question
Hi, I just recently discovered I was pregnant, so I told my boyfriend, and of course he was NOT ok with it... He immediately told me how he wanted me to abort, and that he didn't feel I was mentally stable enough for a child... I have bipolar disorder and do have struggles but work very hard to keep them under wraps... Anyway, we went to the doctor and I told him I figured I was about 5 weeks based on the date of my last period... He sent me for pre-natal blood work, my HCG beta test came back saying I was 10 weeks... Which didn't seem that unusual to me, as there is a history in my family of woman still getting their "periods" or like a period during pregnancy... Anyways, my boyfriend is still wanting me to abort, and a part of me agrees because I think about my financial situation and how difficult it will be to have a baby... but then I think about the abortion, and it really breaks my heart... I have less then 2 weeks to figure out what I'm doing, and I feel no matter what I do is going to be a mistake... My boyfriend has 2 kids from a previous relationship, he knew from the beginning i wanted kids, because when we first started hanging out as friends, was shortly after I had miscarried from a previous relationship... I'm confused, scared, alone... He's really the only one I have to talk too... and It just seems he's not there... please help me... what do you think I should do? Do you feel abortion is going to destroy me, relieve me, confuse me? I'm running out of time, and my energy has gone into tears... please please please help me... thanks

Melanie

Answer
Hi Melanie,

I can't tell you what to do, however from what you have told me, I feel as if you aren't yet mentally ready for a child. I'm 33 years old and currently pregnant after having an abortion at 19 and a miscarriage at 17, and still I'm not really ready but I'm prepared for it. Having a child is very expensive, are you financially stable? Are you in a stable relationship with your boyfriend and will he be there for you if you do decide to keep this baby? Do you feel in every way ready for this baby, or do you feel you will regret it later on? Maybe adoption is an option if you don't want to abort. Consider these things thoroughly before you make your decision. I wish you the best of luck!