Expert: Pat G - 1/29/2010

Question
QUESTION: hi i live in UK I'm pregnant 9 weeks old baby and we didn't planed it for my partner ok he wants this baby but I'm not ready for that and my family wont accept that cos I'm Muslim can u help to me pls i don't want this baby and i don't know what i will do i applied to local GP service they gave me appointment the 8th of January 2010 it means baby will be 12-13 weeks old i need some advice thanks

ANSWER: Hello, gulshen,

I understand your problem since you are Muslim. Do you think your family will do you physical harm? You would seriously endanger your life if you had an abortion. Abortion is very dangerous. In fact, it harms just about all the women who get one. Sometimes they don't know it right away. Sometimes an abortion kills a woman within days. There are better answers.

Also, I'm sure you are aware that Islam rejects abortion. And if you are trying to do this to keep this from your parents, it's not a good idea. If you have a complication, they WILL find out.

Not only that, but it is very, very likely you and your partner will break up if you have an abortion, and the emotional consequences can be horrendous. A woman is six times as likely to commit suicide after an abortion than she is after childbirth.

It is common for a woman not to feel ready, especially during the first trimester. Partly, it's due to hormones. This changes, usually in the second trimester. By the time the baby is born, most women are very ready to be mothers.

What is the possibility you and your partner can get married? Would you be willing to do that?

You can find an organization that will provide help. They can provide counseling, a temporary living situation if you need one (though you might be able to stay with your partner), help with finances, medical care, and clothing, furniture and supplies for the baby. They can provide adoption help. You can find one near you by going here:

http://www.heartbeatinternational.org/worldwide_directory.asp

Find your country in the country list. There are quite a few of them in the UK. There may be multiple pages. Click on "details" for contact information.

Please don't do this. Take care of yourself and stay safe. If you will tell me of specific problems you may have, I may be able to help as well.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: hi i hope you ok

thank you for all your advice i did abortion and I'm so happy i know you will think i'm the evil but that was good decision for my future thanks for everything take care

Answer
Hello, gulshin,

I am doing well, thank you. :)

Thank you very much for letting me know how things turned out. Please be aware that you may suffer some long term consequences, so please be vigilant.

As for thinking you are evil, let's put it this way. We all have the tendency to do wrong, myself included. You are not more evil than I am. I try to look at it from God's perspective, and I don't measure up to His standards, either. So I can't sit in judgment over you.

If you ever need to talk, or want me to tell you more about how to watch for problems, let me know. Please take care, and don't take any more chances. And you're welcome.