Expert: Pat G - 12/21/2009

Question
Hi Dr, Okay; Saturday was my boyfriends birthday, and we had a little too much to drink. We caved in and had sex, and I am aware that we are not supposed to have sex for a week at least. I had my abortion on Thursday. But here is the thing, my boyfriend was so intoxicated that he couldn't maintain an erection, so it was very brief and he did not reach orgasm. I have started birth control. I just want to know being how brief it was and he couldn't maintain an erection and he didn't ejaculate at all, am i looking at any problems?
Please get back to me when you can. Thanks Doc.
Melissa.

Answer
Hi, Melissa,

First of all, please know that I am not a doctor. I have simply done a lot of research and talked to a lot of people.

I think the reason they told you not to have sex is because it can cause a nasty infection. Even if you take antibiotics, you can still get a virus or a fungus. HIV is a virus, for example, and there are others. A woman can get an infection if her boyfriend has ever slept with anyone else, and she can also get an infection from the abortion. It sounds like you may have had a surgical abortion. As long as you are bleeding, your uterus is raw, and an infection can get in there and get into your bloodstream. So you will have to watch very closely and have a doctor check you out. Don't go back to the person who provided the abortion.

Pregnancy is unlikely because it is too close to your abortion. However, even if your boyfriend couldn't maintain an erection, that does not mean that pregnancy isn't a possibility. If he gives off any fluid at all, even just a drop, a woman can get pregnant from that. But in order to get pregnant, you have to be fertile. It has to be close to time for ovulation.

It is best to avoid situations where you might be tempted to have sex. Drinking is unwise. There are better ways to celebrate his birthday. Consider it a lesson learned. It is best to make sure you are not alone together in a private place. If you don't want to have another abortion, then it is best to avoid having sex. You really deserve better, especially since you bear most of the risk. Even sexually transmitted diseases usually hit a woman harder, and could harm her future children.

Birth control isn't totally reliable. It also isn't totally safe. As long as you're not married, why run the risk of the harm birth control can cause? If you want, you can learn to tell when you are fertile. But you can't be using birth control. Let me know if you are interested. Learning to tell when you are fertile is the most reliable method if you are faithful about charting and do it correctly. Also, birth control will fail if you are taking antibiotics, and there are other drugs that could interfere. You really deserve better.

Please give some serious thought to your lifestyle. What do you want in your future? Think about how best to achieve it. Taking risks now will endanger a good many plans for the future. Please take care of yourself and stay safe.