Expert: Pat G - 7/14/2009

Question
QUESTION: I had my first abortion on July 02, 2009. It was an vacuum aspiration. I found out I was pregnant on May 20, 2009. From that day I was so happy because I wanted a baby. Since my boyfriend/fiancé knew he started to act resentful towards me and would not talk to me. From the 1st day he knew he wanted me to have an abortion right away. But I held my ground and make it clear that it was my decision and I don't believe in abortions. The first person I told in my family was my mother who was in a rehab. She said she would support me 100% on what ever I decided to do, But she also said in her position she couldn't help me financially. After telling his parents they said the same thing. They said that if they had the money to help us out they would and that they have loved to have a grandchild but they just weren‘t financially secure. My family were so cold to me. I lived with my aunt and she said either I have the abortion or I had to get out her house. I left my house that day July 7th and went straight to my boyfriends house. Also July 7th was the first day I got to see my baby’s heart beat moving while getting a sonogram. On top of that my boyfriend and I aren’t working. It’s been very hard to get a job. With all these complications 2 days after moving out my house I went and got the abortion. I wished I would have really researched online and found out all the after affects of having an abortion. Right now I am emotionally depressed. I have all the signs of Post Abortion Syndrome. I truly regret making that decision. I felt that God wouldn’t have given me something I couldn’t handle. And all I want now is to have another baby. I know it sounds very immature of me but I think everyone got to me and I was left with no other choice that’s why I had the abortion. I think they scared me but since my abortion all I’ve been doing is researching online about getting pregnant after an abortion.  My boyfriend and I had sex 10 days after my abortion without no  protection or birth control pill but he did not cum inside of me. I have not been bleeding since we had sex. Just spotting here and there. Can you advice me on what I should do? Thank you.

ANSWER: Amanda,

Your story breaks my heart! So many women are getting abortions they don't want. Oh, how I wish you had come here before! I have knowledge of many resources.

Now, however, you will need some help with healing emotionally and spiritually. Healing is possible. You can get counseling and other services from crisis pregnancy organizations. To find the one nearest you, go here:

http://pregnancycenters.org/

Also, there are many other people who are willing and able to help you. I personally do talk to women and help them in this area. And there are groups online that reach out to help. I am involved with a couple. Also, there is this site: http://www.afterabortion.com/ . They have many discussion boards. You can go on retreats. Some other things women find helpful is to name their baby, plant a tree, and prepare a memorial for their baby. There are sites online where you can put a few pages for a memorial. Please ask me about any of these things that you would like to know more about.

Please know that God has already paid for your abortion. He is willing and able to forgive you. All you have to do is ask. Then you will need to trust His word that you are forgiven, and work on forgiving yourself. Forgiveness is a decision, not an emotion. You decide to forgive yourself because you know you are forgiven, and you want to trust in God's forgiveness. Probably you will struggle with this. Ask God to help you forgive yourself. Allow yourself to feel anger at first with people who participated in the situation that caused you finally to get an abortion. Then choose to forgive them as well. Let me tell you about the awesome God we have. I will give you two examples. The first is King David. He lusted after Bathsheba, and arranged for her husband to go to the front lines of battle so he would be killed. Then he took Bathsheba as a wife. But in spite of this sin, God not only forgave him, but arranged that he was an ancestor of Jesus. The second was a man named Saul. He was going around killing Christians. At the stoning of Stephen, Stephen forgave his killers, and asked God not to hold them responsible. And He didn't. When Saul was on the way to Damascus, Jesus appeared to him in a vision, and called him to be an Apostle! And I owe my faith to Paul, because he preached to my ancestors.

If God will forgive those two people and make them into people after His own heart, He is waiting to do the same for you.

Now you will need to know that even though your fiancé didn't cum inside you, pregnancy is still a possibility. It is too early to tell if you became pregnant from that. But at about three weeks after that, you can test for pregnancy. If it is inconclusive, try again in another week. If you are pregnant again, please don't have another abortion. Instead, go to the Pregnancy Centers web site, find the organization nearest you, and ask them to help. They will.

Please keep in touch. I am always available if you need me. Take care!

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Yes I definitely will NOT be having another abortion. It has to be some sort of medical problem or life and death situation for me to put myself in that position again. I had my first OB-GYN appointment last week and since I was still bleeding I have to go back in a month. But she did check me and said she everything looks fine. I'm worried something might be wrong and I won't be able to be pregnant again. But I will still take the test and hope for the best. i hope I don't sound immature by having an abortion and then wanting to get pregnant again.

Answer
Hi, Amanda,

You're welcome. And thank you for the very nice rating.

There are some women who never conceive again, but the odds are in your favor. Make sure that if you do become pregnant, you let your doctor know, because there might be damage from the abortion that will cause complications, and if the doctor knows, she can take measures. For example, extreme prematurity is a common problem. She can fasten your cervix shut to prevent this.

No, I don't think you sound immature at all. Your maternal instinct has been aroused and left unfulfilled.

I will hope for the best for you.