Expert: Pat G - 7/31/2009

Question
QUESTION: well I am embarrassed but I just need a little advice or information. I had an unplanned abortion. weird Iknow...but my abortion was June 3rd and I had unprotected sex June 13th, I think 17th and so far on all unprotected and my bf never pulls out. why I dont stop him..basically because it will make him angry and insecure. Well i started to spot then it owuld go away then i spotted again then on July 13th I think i got a regular period. It lasted for 4 days. On th elast day i had unprotected sex which was the 16th..then on the 18th same thing then on the 20th or 21st same thing..each time he never pulls out.. so for about 5 or six days afte rmy period I started to cramp and have back pains..now my breast are kind of tender. Could i be pregnant agian? or could this simply be my body getting back to normal. i suffered HG my last pregnancy for two months with no prenatal care whatsoever... and I want to know sooner if thereis any possibility this can all result in pregnancy because I dont want to have to suffer from HG an dpressure to abort from unsupportive family or suffer from the abortion period because I was crush. just a little advice please!

ANSWER: Hello, Kenyada,

There are a couple of things I'm not clear on. Mainly, "HG" doesn't ring a bell. I don't know what it stand for, or I can't think of it. If you could tell me, that would help.

In my opinion, your boyfriend has you in an abusive situation. He uses emotional manipulation to get you to let him take advantage of you. You don't owe it to him to take this kind of risk so that he feels secure. Pulling out wouldn't work anyway. And unfortunately, this kind of behavior will often infest other aspects of the relationship sooner or later. He could get even more abusive. Some men will tell a woman they feel suicidal. Don't buy into that. Suicide is a personal choice on the part of the person doing it. The person doing it isn't forced to do it; he chooses to. Some people will try to use this as a scare tactic, and then they are too successful. In my opinion, the sooner you get out of that relationship, the better. You can't help him. He has to decide to help himself. You're not doing him any favors by staying with him, either, because as long as he can manipulate you, he won't have any reason to change. This is a very dangerous situation any way you look at it.

You deserve someone who will cherish you. This man is only serving himself.

I suggest that you find an organization in your area that helps pregnant women. They can provide counseling to help you deal with how to fix this problem. They can also provide you with other services if he becomes threatening. To find one, go here:

http://pregnancycenters.org/

A woman who doesn't want an abortion should never have one. If family is being unsupportive, they can provide the necessary support. Yes, it's possible you are pregnant again. If so, there are now two of you to protect. And you already know that abortion has terrible emotional repercussions for you.

Please take care of yourself, and don't let him do this to you. I will pray for you. Feel free to write back any time. Let me know how things go.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Well HG is Hyperemesis GravadarumIt spells something like that. Its a condition where as nothing stays down, the mother is basically dehydrating to death without proper care, and I had no prpoer care for a whole month and was beeyond ill but it was because no one wanted me to have it and no one would take me to the hospital when I asked. But if I am pregnant, I think Im a little afraid. But thanks for your help.

Answer
Hi, Kenyada,

OK, thanks for the explanation. I have some suggestions.

First, because you are in the United States, you have many resources available. If you call a local organization, they can arrange transportation for you to go to the emergency room if necessary. Go ahead and get in touch with them, and let them know you may need their help. As I mentioned, you can find one near you by going here:

http://pregnancycenters.org/

You can also often find one by looking under "abortion alternatives" in the Yellow Pages.

You can get medication and intravenous in the emergency room if necessary. They must treat you for free, by law. But pay them if you can.

And there are ways you can handle the HG. For one thing, ginger is a very powerful herb that can help. There are several ways you can get some. Sipping ginger tea or ginger ale is good. Also, I recently learned that apparently there are ginger Altoids. These will be spicy, but they should help with a more serious problem. Some women report that eating a little bit of cracker before getting out of bed is helpful, and others report that eating watermelon helps. Be sure and get enough protein when you can eat. Sip something high in protein if you can. It might also be helpful to sip apple juice, which will help to normalize your blood sugar and provide a little sugar, which may help. But your best bet is to try the ginger.

And just tell the people around you that they have a duty to help you, and if you still can't get help, call the police and ask them to take you to the hospital.

You can get help. Just hang in there. No woman who doesn't want an abortion should ever have one.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself, and let me know how you do.