Expert: Pat G - 9/15/2009

Question
Ok.i had an abortion August 24 and i had sex six days later. We did it four times with no protection. then that next week on friday Sept 4 we had sex again once with no protection. My question is can i be pregnant now?

Answer
Hi, Amelia,

The short answer is "probably not". It takes time for the hormones to return to their usual pattern, often weeks. One can never totally rule it out, but that means the latest occasion was less that two weeks after the abortion. But I need to explain some things to you. I assume you don't want to have another abortion. I don't know whether you are married or not, but if not, it's really not in your best interests to have sex. You need someone who will cherish you enough to protect you from abortion. You deserve that. If you are married, of course having sex is reasonable. But if you're not, you're letting him use you at your expense. You may well enjoy sex very much, but is it worth the possible cost? Abortion is dangerous. It could kill you or render you seriously disabled. It could cause a birth defect in your future children, or prevent you from ever having a child. Please rethink your lifestyle, and see if it's really worth it to you.

Another thing I need to explain is that apparently you do think there is such a thing as "protection". There isn't. Condoms don't work, and neither does pulling out. Birth control has a failure rate, and it's not good for your body. At least you are aware you aren't protected, and that's something. But don't assume that you can protect yourself by using a condom or something.

You can learn how to tell when you are fertile. If you aren't taking any hormones, this method is the most reliable, short of one of you being sterilized. You have to chart faithfully. To learn more, go here;

http://www.fertilityuk.org/

Then you would be running very little risk if you only have sex once the fertile mucus has stopped, up until the point when your period starts. That will give you about a week every month. Once you have learned about fertility detection, you might be able to remember if you saw any signs of fertility when you had sex.

I hope that you will be able to avoid a situation where you feel the need to have an abortion in the future. If for some reason you do become pregnant, the safest thing you can do for yourself is to carry to term. There are various kinds of assistance you can get. You can find an organization that offers such assistance by going here:

http://www.pregnancycenters.org/

A baby really needs and deserves two parents who are devoted to each other and cherish each other. This means marriage. If this guy wouldn't be a good father to your children, you should look for someone else. You are bonded to your partner. That happens when a woman has sex, because it releases hormones that cause bonding. Also, you may well have made the decision to cherish him. Men's sexuality works differently. They don't have the advantage of such hormones, so for them it is more of a conscious decision. And I think a lot of guys really don't think that their commitment is less than complete, until a complication like pregnancy comes along. And then they get cold feet. It isn't helped by the fact that both men and women don't tend to see a pregnancy as real until they experience the evidence for themselves. The problem is, we women are aware of the evidence much sooner than men are. We have it in our bodies. A man has to have some kind of concrete evidence, which can include seeing changes in the mother's body, feeling movement, hearing a heartbeat, or seeing an ultrasound. Given the propaganda out there that this is just a lump of tissue with no form, it's no wonder so many people don't really think of it in accurate terms. But by the time a woman is sure she is pregnant, her baby has brain waves, a heartbeat, eyes, and fingers.

If you ARE married, then there is no reason not to have a child. If you are experiencing financial difficulties (and who isn't, these days?) then help is available at the organization I urge you to find. And things have a way of changing. Even if the situation seems hopeless at the time, things often change for the better, and there's no guarantee for the rest of us, either. I have a friend who was sure her only answer was abortion. But a priest told her, what you really need is a different apartment. He found her one closer to work that was cheaper and better. And she then had no trouble having her baby. So there are always other answers, but you have to think outside the box.

Please take care of yourself. Expect your partner to take care of you, too, and to respect you enough so that you don't feel compelled to have an abortion because it's not the "right" time to have a baby, because the resources aren't there. And keep in mind that we should never give our children a perfect environment anyway, because it's not good for them. We need a certain amount of adversity to develop good character. It doesn't have to be much, and obviously, we want the best for our children. But if they have everything they want and need, then they become spoiled, and they're not good for anything, and they will break your heart.

I hope all this is helpful. Please let me know how things go.