Expert: Pat G - 2/23/2010

Question
please am pregnant with my boyfriend who is a student, and also working. after telling him he told me to abort i refuse but later agreed to abort. already we have aborted one and this will be the second time. i sat down and have a second thought and tried to convinced him to keep it, i have made all i can but he still insist i abort it. i have completed school and planning to continue this year and this has happened, we have therefore agreed to abort it today before i read your message and i had a change of mind, please am very confuse if i should keep it or abort it. he told me never to see or visit him again if am to keep it. please help me with ur advice till i receive ur advice i have nothing to do. 21 years old worried girl

Answer
Hello, Theresah,

Yes, to answer your question, abortion is a sin. It takes the life of a human being made in the image of God. I'm sorry I didn't get your message sooner, and I hope you haven't done anything.

Your boyfriend has no right to demand that you have an abortion. He is demanding you risk your life. You wouldn't be having an abortion because you want one. Your boyfriend is going to do whatever he does, and it's his decision. This type of coercion is despicable, in my opinion, and if anyone told me that, I would show them the door. Seriously. I'd tell him that he has a lot of nerve to make such a demand, your past history notwithstanding.

What is more likely to happen is that if you have an abortion, you won't want anything to do with him. Abortion causes relationships to break up. If that happens, you will have neither him nor your baby.

Some guys don't accept a pregnancy until they can see evidence for themselves. This doesn't usually happen until the second trimester. Here is what I suggest. Tell him that you have made your decision and it's not open to discussion. If he wants to leave you, it's his call; you wouldn't want him anyway, not after he made this demand. Obviously, since you already had one abortion, he doesn't see why you wouldn't have another one. And I'm sure that the emotional and spiritual aftermath of your prior abortion isn't helping matters any. You can also end up getting into a pattern of getting pregnant and having abortions. We have found that the only way to break that cycle is either to carry the baby to term, become unable to have children, or stop having sex. Sex belongs in marriage anyway, and it sure sounds like he has been taking advantage of you. He wants your body, but he doesn't want any of the responsibilities, and he doesn't cherish you. It is unwise to give your body to any man who doesn't cherish you and hasn't made a commitment to you.

Obviously, you are bonded to him, so breaking up with him will be difficult. And he might change his mind once you let him know he can't manipulate you, though I wouldn't understand why you would be willing to keep him when he tries to manipulate you like that. I'm not saying that for sure you would break up, but I would strongly recommend that you tell him that you will no longer have sex with him, until you are married. If he doesn't want to marry you, you should make yourself available for someone decent, by breaking up with him. But please be aware that bonding is partly due to our hormones. When we have sex, hormones that cause bonding are released. A man doesn't have this advantage. You have obviously made some level of commitment to him. But please think this through and protect your baby. Your baby doesn't deserve to lose his life because your boyfriend is acting like a jerk. Please remember: abortion is forever.

I will be here for you, and I will be happy to discuss any emotional problems you are experiencing. Please take care of both of you. I will say a prayer for you.