Expert: Pat G - 3/15/2010

Question
If I have an abortion, will it cause guilt and can it cause future abnormal pregnancies?
Hello. I am 36 yr old, divorced, mom of a 5 yr old. I began a relationship with a man about 5 months ago. Shortly thereafter we began engaging in unprotected sex. I have been emotionally falling for him, and on a few occasions, felt good about him ejaculating inside of me..both fully ready to accept the outcome if it happened. However, recently I found pornography,  and am realizing he may have sexual problems and am now fearful of the safety of my daughter. 1 week ago he disrespected me verbally in front of my daughter using the "f" word.  He asked me to move in with him only 3 months after we began dating, and I said no. He is a divorced dad of a 6 year old himself. He is a relatively good dad. I noticed some strange behavior of the daughter..biting, fondling herself, aggression, etc. My daughter doesn't seem to like her very much. And for him, she sees that we argue, but also sees us being affectionate. This man admitted to me that he had been molested as a child and I worry about his emotional immaturity and sexual deviency. I also discovered that he dated many women who already had children, and all of them had girls. He never dated anyone with boys. I've caught him in lies, and found naked pictures of women that he met thru online chatting porn sites. we had problems with him gawking at other women when we are together out in publicI am pregnant now, about 3 weeks, with his child. I didn't tell him that I am definately pregnant, but threw out there that I think I am..to get his reaction. He is very excited he said, and wants a family. I don't trust him, completely. Although I have been able to talk in depth about some of the things that trouble me he says he wants to be a better person and us willing to change. He had no religious background, and I come from a catholic background. I am angry with myself for considering abortion, as I was once one of the strongest pro-life advocates there was! Even went to the march-for-life in Washington. I'm just very afraid of having permanency with this man and all the uncertainty/mistrust involved!!! I am scared and confused. Please help!!!!!
 
I just took a pregnancy test that came out positive. I didn't tell him i took one, but told him I have a feeling that I may be pregnant to get his reaction. He says he us excited about it

Answer
Hello, Margaret,

Clearly, this man is bad news. As I can tell you from personal experience (watching several of our kids try), you can't use a romantic relationship to help someone straighten out their life.

Bonding with him is partly the result of having sex with him. The woman's body releases hormones that cause this bonding. So that is understandable. You may have made the decision to cherish him. However, I recommend you cut all ties with him. Don't even tell him you took a pregnancy test. Just tell him that you saw all the porn and his daughter's behavior, and you don't want anything further to do with him. He's not a good dad if his daughter is engaging in strange behavior. I don't know what his ex-wife is like, but if she's at all decent, she should have custody, and his parental rights should be severed. Seriously. I wouldn't get involved, though.

Abortion would be a disaster for you. You know what you would be doing. Your baby doesn't deserve to die because of the unacceptable behavior of this creep. You would not only be violating yourself as a woman, but you'd be violating your convictions. Remember, your baby is made in God's image, and He said "thou shalt not kill". For a Catholic, abortion is a mortal sin. I don't agree with a lot of things that the Catholic church teaches, but it's right about the seriousness of abortion. You are feeling weak and uncertain right now, and it looks to me like the thing that is driving this fear is that you're afraid of what he will do to you and the baby. That's why I think you should sever all ties. Just tell him that it's over.

As I am sure you are aware, there are organizations all over the United States that are there to help women in your position. You can find one near you by going here:

http://www.pregnancycenters.org/

Or you can look in the yellow pages under "abortion alternatives".

They can help you find a lawyer who can help you sever any parental rights he might have.

You also know that abortion is dangerous and could kill you. Then who would take care of your daughter?

Obviously, you know that in the future, you should not give yourself to a man who hasn't made a commitment to cherish you. One other thing you might do is have a doctor check and see if this pregnancy is viable, strong enough so that you will carry to term. Some pregnancies aren't, and they of course resolve themselves. But above all, think of the injustice of making your baby pay with his or her life for the sickness of this man. Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby.

Spend some time in prayer, and ask God to give you strength. If you have a 40 Days for Life campaign near you, it would be a good idea to go and spend some time with them for an hour or so. They will support you. You are not alone.

Let me know how things go; keep in touch. I will be praying for you.