Expert: Pat G - 6/26/2010

Question
QUESTION: hi,
im 25 years old;married women....past one year v both have no proper sex....<becos im really scared about sex> but past one month v hv close contact and hv no sexual intercourse.im really doubt that my hymen is there or broken....and <actually april 24 was my last periods date....untill nv i havent had periods nearly 50 days of cycle>3 days back<wednessday night> i had dark brown thready spottings and yesterday<friday> it was like a clot..pregnency urine kit test shows negative when i test it after the brown spotting clot..today<saturday>its normal like periods nv i feel some pain in my right side hip area and below stomach...i checked with docter;she asked me tio take blood serum test and tat was negative..bt it was abrormal when i compared this time with other periods....she also tested my hymen and said,it s gone.... my questions are,

is it possible to get  pregnent without proper intercourse?
and what is that brown spotting?
is it an abortion?

ANSWER: Hello, suku,

When was the last time you had close contact?

Since the doctor said you don't have a hymen, there is a possibility that it was broken when you were a baby, and that could be why you are scared about sex. It's one possibility, anyway.

It is possible to get pregnant without proper intercourse, though it is rare. If you are fertile and he leaves any fluid right outside of the opening, some can get inside. You should test for pregnancy again in a week and in two weeks, and then in three weeks. If your test is negative at three weeks, then you aren't pregnant right now. However, if you continue to have close contact, it could happen later. You might find it helpful to learn how to tell when you are fertile. You can't be using any hormones. But a woman's body produces mucus when she is fertile. It is slippery, clear, and stretches like a raw egg white. For more information, go to this web site:

http://www.fertilityuk.org/

Are you afraid of getting pregnant or having a baby? I can talk to you about that.

As for the pain, keep an eye on it, and don't give up on getting an answer from the doctor. It is possible that you were pregnant and did have a miscarriage. It is also possible that you have an infection of some kind. Do you allow the doctor to do an internal exam?

I hope this helps. Let me know if you have any more questions. Take care.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thank u for ur valuable answer.it helped me lot..and i just wanna learn more from u.first of all let me answer to all ur questions,
abt last time close contact,
 so many times we tried after my periods.
is there any possibilities of baby staying after full periods?really surprised..first let me check my pregnency first....
 im nt talkin any harmones nt even pills...
and ur second question,actually i love babies very much..bt still affraid of getting pregnent....even intercourse...the whole day i use to prepare my mind to do intercourse..bt when he start penetration i avoid it though v have enough foreplay..i dont know wat to do and how to overcome it..
abt doctors examination,
  becoz of my bleeding and fear,i didnt allow herto do it fully....she examined and said hymen gone and she asked me to insert my fingers one by one in to the vagina and im doing than test in my home...eagerly waiting to know about this.....thanx

Answer
Hello, suku,

I can't know for sure, but my guess is that your fear was because you were hurt when you were young, and you don't remember. This would explain why you don't have a hymen. You really need some counseling. Unfortunately, counseling is probably not very available in Qatar. You could ask for a recommendation from an American military doctor at a military base, or at the embassy, or if you can find a church, they may be able to recommend someone. Don't be afraid to ask at a church. They are people of the book, and they won't hurt you. I know that troops in Iraq take leave in Qatar, so it may not be difficult to find someone who can make a recommendation.

Usually, when a woman has sex right after a period, she won't be fertile yet. But if you learn to tell when you are fertile, you will have a better idea if pregnancy is possible when you are having close contact.

As for getting pregnant, I will tell you that it is possible that if you do, when you first find out, you probably won't be happy about it. This is because of the hormones in early pregnancy. It is nothing to fear. As you progress, you will fall in love with your baby. You will be able to play with your baby when you start to feel movement, sometime after 14 weeks if you are thin, later if you are not. By the time of giving birth, you will be anxious to welcome your baby. If you can get good instruction on how to work with labor, this will help. I don't know if they have classes there. They do where I live. Ask some women who have babies. I can talk more about birth if you are concerned about it. Let me know.

When you insert your fingers, make sure they are clean. If you are able to do this, you might consider asking your husband to insert his fingers. This may be a way to help overcome your fear. I don't know; I haven't had that experience personally. As long as he is gentle with you, he may be able to help you, but it may take awhile. Also, let him go in just a tiny bit and see if that works OK.

I wish I could give you a guarantee that you can find some good counseling and you can overcome your problem. All you can do is try. Good luck! Please let me know how you do.