Expert: Pat G - 7/11/2010

Question
QUESTION: Hello im a 16  year old girl who lives In Canada looking for any site that can answer my question. i noticed that for 3 days i have been bleeding light and now  i know its called implantation bleeding the thing   im a virgin that didn't have sex with a guy yet and i dont understand why im bleeding this way. i know for sure i am not pregnant because i am a virgin. could this mean that there is something wrong with me please answer my question i want to know whats happening to me

ANSWER: Hello, Naseana,

Even though you haven't had sex, did a man come near your vagina and touch even the hair? Or did either of you put a wet finger near? If not, there is NO WAY it is implantation bleeding. But sometimes a man will leave a little liquid on the outside, and some of the sperm can then move into the vagina. It's rare, but it does happen. If these things did NOT occur, then don't trust that you can read about implantation bleeding and be sure that's what it is.

There could be any number of reasons why you bled a little bit. You may have to have a doctor check you to see what the reason might be.

Let me ask you another question. When do you expect your period, and when did the bleeding start? I can tell you more if you can answer the questions.

If you have been this intimate with a man (and I'm not saying you have), you need to make it a practice not to go to a place that is private enough for something like this to happen, and you need to refuse to disrobe in front of a man. Sooner or later, if you continue to do this, you will lose your virginity. Virginity is a precious gift that should be given only to the man you marry, after you are married.

So let me know. Don't panic. Even if for some reason you have become pregnant (such as having this contact with a man). There are organizations that can help you with whatever problems you face. Whatever you do, don't consider abortion. It can kill you or harm your future children. You deserve better, and there are definitely better answers. Keep in touch. I'll help you work through this.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I must admit their is this guy at my school and  we have been having dry sex with our clothes on but i do remember i was getting wet and he put his finger down there while i was wearing my kilt. Im Starting Get Really Scared Now and I'm crying about it. For some reason i never count my period but i know for sure it always come in the middle of the month or at the end of the month and it started to bleed on july 8. Yesterday i was on google and i saw a question that said should i be worried about the implantation and it said if your blood increase cramps or any of that your fine but when it started to bleed on july 8 it bleed a lot until i get messy but coming home from summer school i notice it was gone and the next day it bleed light then more blood came but not so much. I told my mom about the implantation but not about the boy so she said she would carry me to the doctors. Im really scared right now and very worried because im to young to have a child. Kids shouldn't be having kids.

ANSWER: Hello, Naseana,

I'm really sorry you are so scared. One very important thing to remember is that people rarely make good decisions when they are feeling panic. So don't do anything to yourself, and don't let anyone do anything TO you.

Unless your boyfriend got fluid from HIMSELF on his finger before touching you, there is no chance of pregnancy just because you got wet.

I never personally experienced any bleeding at implantation, and I don't know how many do. There could be any number of reasons for it. So try not to get too scared. Besides, you are NOT a kid anymore. You are 16. Many cultures regularly had girls getting married and having babies at 13. We postpone this by prolonging education, and it's not natural. You are old enough to bear a child; you have the capability physically. And a woman of 16 CAN successfully raise a child. Yes, it would require that you develop maturity earlier than most people do. But that's not a bad thing. "Kids shouldn't be having kids" is propaganda. It is INTENDED to make people like you panic when pregnancy occurs. That's because the people promoting the slogan can make money off abortions, so they want women in a state of panic so they don't think clearly. One thing to keep in mind is that no matter what choice a woman makes about a pregnancy, it will change her life. That INCLUDES abortion. Abortion makes a lot of changes in a woman's life, none of them good. It is dangerous and can kill her or seriously disable her. She could experience injury to her uterus or other organs. Some kinds of abortions will cause the kind of damage to a woman's body that it will mean she may have a severely disabled child in the future. Some kinds of abortion can cause a woman to bleed to death, or to die from an infection. In that case, it takes only hours for a woman to die. You SHOULD be PETRIFIED of having an abortion. Your mother also has the duty to protect you from abortion.

To put it another way, kids shouldn't be having abortions! It is far too dangerous, and you have your whole life ahead of you.

Also, the fact you don't count your period means you don't REALLY have a good idea of when it should occur. Unless you have a 31 day cycle, your period will occur a couple of days "earlier" by the calendar than the previous month. Also, the fact you said your period always comes at the middle of the month or the end of the month tells me you really are not aware of when you have your period. Because it will be one or the other. And as I said, if you have a normal length period, it will come a bit "earlier" each month. It would be very unusual for you to have periods a month and a half apart.

I knew a woman who was gang raped when she was about your age. She became pregnant. She didn't tell her parents. She was a bit overweight, so she concealed her pregnancy until she was 7 months along, because she didn't want to have an abortion. To make a long story short, she had her baby, and she and her parents cared for him until she was able to do so on her own. She then got married, and she has been happy. I know two other women who were raped and became pregnant. One of them had her baby and raised him. She has eight children, and of those, she is closest to the one who was conceived from the rape. Another woman was raped and became pregnant, and had an abortion. She has been in and out of mental hospitals ever since. When she got married, her husband and his family knew about the rape and the pregnancy, and fully accepted her. But eventually, her reaction to the abortion caused the destruction of her marriage. I don't think she is capable of living successfully in marriage, and I also don't think she is able to have children. The abortion destroyed her ability to have children.

I have known well over a hundred women who became pregnant under adverse circumstances who had their babies and are doing well. Sooner or later, a good man comes along and is willing to accept them both. Sometimes the woman's husband actually adopts the child. I have also known women who had abortions, and it destroyed their lives. Sometimes they recover emotionally and spiritually, and sometimes not. There was one woman I know who was sure she wanted an abortion. She had a second trimester abortion under general anesthesia. She kept in touch, and afterward, one night she became suicidal, and another woman and I stayed up all night with her, exchanging messages over the internet, so she wouldn't do it. I was never so scared in all my life! And that wasn't the only time she became suicidal. (A woman's chance of committing suicide is 7 times greater after abortion than it would be if she carried to term.) A couple of years ago, she wrote me that a woman at work thought she was pregnant, and if she was, she planned to have an abortion. She said to me, "PLEASE talk her out of it! My abortion ruined my life!"

A woman's chance of suffering severe emotional harm in other ways also greatly increases after abortion. She can die from homicide or accident, or abuse drugs or alcohol, or develop sleep disturbances (that's what happened to me; I had horrible nightmares for months), or anorexia or bulimia, or engage in self-abuse such as cutting.

There are organizations all over Canada that can help you find a better answer. They provide lots of different kinds of help, and they provide counseling. Some of them will be able to give you a free ultrasound so you can meet your baby, and they will tell you the truth about abortion and about your other options. You really deserve better, so you owe it to yourself to talk to them before you do anything. Abortion is forever. You can't take it back. To find an organization near you, go to this web site:

http://heartbeatservices.org/connections/worldwide-directory

Go see them, and take your mother with you.

I have raised seven children, so I know the answers to a lot of questions you might have. I had three of my babies at home. I also homeschooled everyone. Please keep in touch, and ask questions as often as you need to. You will be fine, provided you don't allow anyone to hurt you. You may not think so, but trust me, you will be. If they say you have too many follow-ups, just write me a fresh message. PLEASE take care and stay safe.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for your support and comfort  if i am pregnant I'm scared of my mom reactions I'm just scared she going to take it the wrong way. Today this afternoon around at 12:00 I noticed my bleeding was starting to get heavy even when I wipe I see a lot of blood until now could this mean that Im on my period has come and should start counting down the days when my period comes for next month?...  I will for sure check that website because I have a lot of questions on my mind out  but do they do counseling over the phone?.... I would be keeping in touch with you :-)

Answer
Hello, Naseana,

It sounds like you're not pregnant, and yes, you should keep track, since you are worried about it. Sometimes stress can delay a period, and I imagine it could cause it to try to start, but unsuccessfully. If you were stressed because you violated your own standards by submitting to "dry sex", that could easily explain it. Also, a change in diet can cause a woman's period to change. A vegetarian diet causes malnutrition, and some vegetarians don't have a period at all.

If you would like to do counseling over the phone, you can try this web site:

http://www.pregnancycenters.org/

They have some Canadian listings, so there is a possibility they can be called from Canada.

Also, any organization in your area probably has a phone number. How much counseling they will do over the phone, I don't know, but it doesn't hurt to try.

About your mom, I can tell you this much. A lot of parents get very upset at first when they learn their daughter got pregnant under adverse circumstances. And of course the daughter herself also got upset, even as you did, so it is hardly surprising. However, most parents become very supportive in the end. I have two grandchildren born out of wedlock, and they are both precious to me. I wasn't happy our kids were sleeping around, but under no circumstances would I ever agree to harm the children they now have. I made it clear to our children that they were never to resort to abortion.

Occasionally, parents will try to force their daughter to have an abortion. If you ever have this problem, resist! Do NOT give in. Do NOT walk voluntarily to the car to go someplace to have an abortion. If they take you to an abortionist you don't know you're going to, walk out the door. If you continue to have problems, call the police. No parent has a right to force a daughter to have an abortion. They should be warned that if their daughter suffers complications, they will end up paying for the medical bills, and they can run into a lot of money. They can be hurting their future grandchildren, and they can have a dead daughter. I doubt if you will have this problem, but I'm just telling you what to do if you do.

You need to refrain from having "dry sex". It's too dangerous. Don't go to a private place with a boy or man, where this can happen. Any man who dates you owes you enough respect to leave your body alone. If he won't leave your body alone, you should dump him and find someone else. I had one man ask me for a kiss, and I told him that my kisses were reserved for the man I will marry, and he slapped me on the rump. I dumped him and refused to have anything further to do with him. Talk to your boyfriend and see if he will agree that he owes it to you to respect your body. If he doesn't agree, break up with him. You deserve to be cherished, not used.

Feel free to ask any questions you might have. Please take care.