Expert: Pat G - 1/14/2011

Question
My girl friend had abortion 3 weeks back, so i want to know if is safe to have sex using condom? Please help me

Answer
Hello, Akani,

I'm glad you asked.

Please keep in mind that your girlfriend risked her LIFE because you had sex with her in the past. Abortion could have killed her. Depending on the kind of abortion she had, it could harm her future children. All abortions also make it much more likely that a woman will get a particularly deadly form of breast cancer, or an auto-immune disease. It can cause serious emotional problems. Abortion can make it impossible for her to have children, or cause life-threatening conditions in the future as well.

Condoms are notoriously unreliable. They frequently fail. It is never safe for a woman to have sex with a man who is using a condom. Not only do they often allow pregnancy to happen, but they also often allow the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV, even when they don't break.

Given what she went through, you should take it to heart and protect her from ever having to face the decision to have an abortion again. Sex is for making babies. Women's bodies are not intended to be the playthings of men. When you have sex with a woman you aren't married to, you are being very disrespectful of the woman. Some women seduce men, and they usually do it because they haven't been respected in the past. Some women just plain don't care, and their personalities are warped. But for the most part, it is the man who leads in initiating sex.

If you truly love your girlfriend, you two should get married and then have sex. If not, you should explain to her that you want to start respecting her body, and not put her at risk again, and that it's not because you don't love her, but because you do. You can always hug and that type of thing, so that you both don't feel like you don't have affection for each other anymore.

Always meet with your girlfriend when there are other people around, even if you aren't specifically associating with them. You can go to movies, or to a restaurant, or that type of thing. When you are alone together in a private place, there is too much temptation.

It doesn't hurt to develop the self discipline, because once you are married, there will be times when you cannot have sex with your wife for her own well-being, such as when she is not feeling good, or when she is sick, or for awhile after childbirth and so forth. Given how dangerous abortion can be for a woman's future children, children deserve the protection of not having their mothers undergo an abortion as well.

One more thing. There is never a need for a woman to have an abortion in the United States. There are organizations all over the United States that offer better answers. You can find one near you by going to this web site:

http://www.optionline.org/

The list is linked on the right, and not real obvious.

It is also a good place for your girlfriend to get some counseling, because of the emotional problems abortion causes. You might also benefit from some counseling.

I know this isn't what you wanted to hear. However, I hope you will think about what I said. Seriously. Your girlfriend is precious and she deserves better than what happened to her. I will be here, and I hope you will let me know how things turn out. Take care, and protect and take care of her as well.