Expert: Pat G - 2/21/2011

Question
Hi Pat G, its me again,Poti.Lastly you helped me to stop terminating my pregnancy, which was a good thing.Now the other a problem I'm experiencing is that,my child's father whom i said is married and who works out was home over the weekend where his family and i resides.Ok he managed to see me only Saturday for few hours, and said he'll see me again on sunday.So on Sunday i had to push him to come and he was in such a hurry, i felt hurt and even cried when he left. I understand that he's married but since im pregnant of his baby i started feeling jealous and not taken care of.Yesterday i started thinking of something that i don't want to do, or can i just stop avoiding him and seeing him and let the child alone be mine

Answer
Hi, poti,

One thing you need to deal with is that the father of your baby isn't yours. He never was in the first place. He belongs to someone else. And he cheated on her. Even if by some miracle he chose you, he wouldn't be faithful to you, either.

It is best if you try to let go. If you continue to see him, you are hurting his wife and his family, as well as him. He needs to be put in a position where he won't get away with cheating on his wife. He made her a promise, and he needs to keep it.

When you have sex with someone, you bond with that person. That's why it's hard.

You aren't the first person who has had this problem, and you won't be the last. It will take courage to do the right thing. But in the long run, you will be much better off. Taking something (or someone) that doesn't belong to you is not good for you either spiritually or emotionally. It will take awhile for you to accept the situation emotionally. Let yourself cry when you need to. Most likely, it will hurt a lot for about a year, and after that, you will start to experience healing. I know from personal experience that it hurts like the dickens when someone you love is alive but you can't spend time with him or her. I also experienced a year when it hurt a lot. It has now been many years, and I can tell you that after that first year, it didn't hurt anymore. I occasionally see my friend, and we talk and enjoy each other's company, but I have let go. It is all right.

When your baby is old enough, explain to him or her what happened, sooner rather than later. In the meantime, you may find a man who would like to spend the rest of his life with you. He will probably also be a very good father to your baby. We have seen this many times. Give yourself a chance to find someone who can belong to you and your baby. There are good men out there who will gladly marry a woman who protected her child and is raising her child well. Make sure that your baby learns to obey you, and be consistent. We can talk more about this. Women sometimes find it much harder to discipline their children well, than men do. But I was able to do it, and so can you. Give your baby your unconditional love. In the context of love, discipline works much better.

How are you doing? How is your baby? I look forward to hearing from you. Take care.