Expert: Pat G - 4/20/2011

Question
i really believe that my girlfriend had a abortion. how can i find out if she had a abortion anywhere in texas since i am the said father. i feel like i should have some rights as a father to know where the abortion took place.

Answer
Hello, roy,

Unfortunately, you do not have any legal rights with respect to abortion, in the United States. This is not to say that you shouldn't consider litigation if necessary; you would have to consult with someone who is knowledgeable about that.

Here is a web page that might help.

http://www.theunchoice.com/men.htm

There is a page on litigation somewhere, but I can't find it right now. I will get back to you with that information if you let me know you want it. The lawyers don't normally work with men in your position, but they would be knowledgeable about the law regarding abortion.

This is really an issue of trust. If you don't trust her to tell the truth about whether she had an abortion or not, then it would be time for some introspection about your relationship. I'm guessing she told you she was pregnant, and then she reported she had had a miscarriage. Think back to how she behaved before and after. This may give you the clue you need. Did she act distressed before, and relieved after? This doesn't prove she had an abortion, but it might be a strong indication. Did you discuss it? Did you encourage her not to have an abortion, and did she indicate she wanted one or was thinking of having one? Did you observe any subtle body language that suggested that she might get an abortion against your will, or had one, or anything like that? Did she tell you about difficulties she was facing because of being pregnant? Do you think that any of these may have frightened her enough that she would have an abortion? For many women in her position, becoming pregnant is the end of life AS THEY KNOW IT, so many rationalize that having an abortion will be for the purpose of saving their life.

If she isn't willing to tell you frankly whether she had an abortion or a miscarriage, it may be that your relationship isn't as solid as you might hope. She should be willing to let you know if she got medical care after her miscarriage, and who the doctor is. If she will ask the doctor to tell you whether or not he treated her for miscarriage, then you can certainly try to find out. You need not know more than that. If you do decide to take any legal action, your relationship is over. But obviously, it may be over anyway, if you find that the trust is gone. If she did have an abortion, your relationship may be gone anyway. If she won't give you any information, then obviously, there is no longer any trust. And she may know you didn't want her to have an abortion, and that she went against your will, and it's possible she wants to keep the relationship. But you can't base a relationship on the kind of violence abortion represents. Most relationships do break up after abortion.

Another possibility is that she did have a miscarriage, and it took a sufficient toll on her emotions that she is not willing to discuss it, but I'm guessing she would be looking for comfort instead.

None of this will give you the certainty you seek, probably. But it's worth trying anyway.

These are some critical reasons why it is very important for a man to protect his girlfriend from the fear of pregnancy. If he does that, then the possibility of having an abortion will also not exist. The only way to assure that a woman is protected from the fear of pregnancy is not to have sex with her. It's also a matter of respect for her as a person and for her body. Women have vulnerabilities that men don't share. All of that said, I can certainly connect with where I think you are, simply because most of us will never know if we lost a relative to abortion. And as a grandmother, I think of this often, because I have children I know aren't chaste.

Please let me know what happens. Good luck!