Expert: Pat G - 7/31/2011

Question
QUESTION: I am 17. I live in Georgia and the abortion law here is that I have to contact my parents and let them know I am getting an abortion 48 hours before I do. Either that or they have to consent!! I was wondering, if I drove to another state, like South Carolina, which says "As long as I am not UNDER 17, parental involvement is unnecessary," could I have the abortion there without involving my parents or anyone in any way?

Also, what information do they need at abortion clinics? Do they ask for an ID/driver license - because mine is suspended and from the state of GA. How can I do this without any parental involvement????

ANSWER: Hello, Amber,

It would be VERY VERY UNWISE to try to get an abortion without your parents' knowledge. There are a large number of reasons for this. The most important one is that abortion is dangerous. It can kill you or cause you serious medical problems. This is far more common than most people know. If you do suffer a complication, they WILL find out, and they will have to pay your medical bills. If the abortion kills you, they will be asked to come identify your body. Also, if you do this but don't suffer any unusual damage, and they do find out, it could cause a huge rift in your relationship with them. If you are pregnant, you are carrying their grandchild, and they have a right to be allowed to love their grandchild. Another reason is that you would be breaking the law. You could get into trouble. Also, you might have a medical condition or there might be something in your medical history that you don't know about, but they do, that would make abortion especially dangerous. I know one woman who hid her pregnancy from her parents and got an abortion, and it totally changed and warped her personality. To this day, more than 15 years later, her parents have no idea why she suddenly became so hostile and alienated. She has been in and out of mental hospitals ever since, and it destroyed her marriage. Abortion also causes significant emotional problems in many, many women. I personally have experienced the horrible nightmares some women get, and I wouldn't wish those off on my worst enemy. The chance a woman will commit suicide after abortion is six times greater than it would be if she had carried to term. Many women abuse alcohol and drugs. I knew one woman who became promiscuous, and got hepatitis. Other women turn to self abuse or develop eating disorders. Any kind of abortion will make it much more likely that you will develop a particularly deadly form of breast cancer, or an auto-immune disease such as lupus. Abortion can harm your future children as well. You could experience repeat miscarriages, or have a baby with a serious birth defect such as cerebral palsy, autism, epilepsy, mental retardation, blindness, or deafness. Abortion could keep you from ever having children. It could infect you with a sexually transmitted disease, including HIV. And there are so many other things that could go wrong.

This is why abortion is bad medicine, and is unethical. Anybody who would do an abortion on you doesn't deserve to be called "doctor". Any abortionist who doesn't determine that you are not 18, and who is willing to do an abortion on you anyway is also acting unethically. There are far better answers than abortion and you deserve better.

If that weren't bad enough, many abortionists are careless. They use instruments that weren't sterilized properly, if at all, and they rush and cause unnecessary injury. If the government health department does its job, and it goes to inspect any abortion facility, it is extremely likely they will shut it down. Hundreds of abortion facilities have been closed because they don't meet the most basic health standards. People who do abortions usually graduated from medical school at the bottom of the class. Medical students often call the worst student in class, the "abortionist". Some people who do abortions aren't even doctors. If you do get hurt, there are plenty of places that won't help you in any way. Many of them don't have hospital privileges. They may neglect you and allow you to die. This has happened to plenty of women that I know about. And pill abortions often cause a woman to bleed to death, or to develop toxic shock syndrome. This is a massive infection that will kill a woman within hours. There is no such thing as a safe abortion.

Please tell me why you are afraid for your parents to know. I realize that most parents will probably be upset about it, and I am sure you don't want to hurt them, or you feel that their finding out is a threat to you in some way. But I can tell you from personal experience that a good parent will be able and willing to love that grandchild no matter how he or she was conceived. I have thirteen grandchildren, and two of them were born out of wedlock. Does it make any difference? Absolutely not! In fact, I have spent a lot of time and resources helping the father of one of them, because of the situation. I would do anything to keep that baby safe! By the time the grandchild is born, most parents welcome him or her, and love their grandchild dearly. Your parents deserve a chance. If there is some other problem that makes you afraid, it can be dealt with. You don't have to take a chance on such a dangerous course of action. There are organizations in Georgia that will help you with whatever your needs are, including helping you tell your parents. To find an organization near you, please go to this web site:

http://www.optionline.org/

PLEASE don't do this. Please. I will do everything I can to be here for you. Please keep in touch and let me know how things go.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: This is not a question but merely a response. My parents are not who you think they are. They told me to my face they will never accept this grandchild and they refuse to see it! What kind of parent says that to their child!!!!! They have abused me before and it has been reported. I do not live with them anymore. Do you now see my position? They are wonderful parents but when it comes to this topic and anything having to do with my boyfriend it is chaos. My father chased me and my boyfriend in a car going 90 mph running through red lights and HIT his car nearly into a street pole in which I would have died because I was not wearing a seat belt. My boyfriend swerved away and saved my life. My dad was also driving like this with my younger two sisters in the car, not thinking about anyones LIFE! Just letting you know they're not the perfect parents that you may think. By the way, do not worry, I was only inquiring 'just in case'.. I could never be alright with aborting my child and I am NOT pregnant but I was just laying out my options in case I ever was. Thank you for your time! I appreciate what you said.

Answer
Hello, Amber,

I am grateful for the additional information. My heart goes out to you concerning your parents. Yes, there are parents like that, but fortunately, it's not as common as you might think. And just so you know, I don't think ANY parents are perfect. :)

In spite of your position, abortion is not the answer. If you don't have an abortion, you don't have to worry about whether you need their permission or not.

The best thing to do is avoid having the fear of pregnancy. When you are not married, it's not appropriate or wise to have sex. You bear all the consequences. Try to nurture your relationship with your boyfriend by not compromising it. Sex has deeper meaning, and people who wait find it is much easier to trust their spouse, and it makes for a happier marriage. It is easy for you to look for love in the wrong places, and if you confuse sexual attraction with love, this sets you up for heartbreak. Love is about committing and cherishing. It is not an emotion. It is a decision. You can have the love you need and deserve if you do it right.

You are welcome, and I hope that what I said will be very useful at some point, if not for you, for your friend. The organization near you will always be there to help. Many women are not even aware these organizations exist, and that they really do have choices. Take care.