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Question
Hi. Well here is my situation, I have a daughter, her father passed away One year ago. After he passed, I started drinking a lot from being depressed. I made a whole lot of bad decisions that year, one which resulted in me having an abortion when the guy wanted me to keep it. But I felt it was too soon for me to turn out pregnant after my boyfriend passed away.  Till this day I regret having the abortion & told myself I would never do that again. & another bad decision I made now is that now I am seeing my daughters dads cousin and I am pregnant by him. I am about 5 weeks. He wants me to have the abortion for these reasons, 1: He has 3 kids & is already on Childsupport. 2: What is the family going to think about us 3: We cannot get along at all... So now I broke up with him & am scheduled to have the abortion on Jan. 7th. I will be about 7 weeks I believe.  And planning on doing the Mifeprex pill instead of surgical. I am on the edge of weather to keep it or abort it as I said I would never do that again. I have one cross hanging in my room as a symbol of my last baby and I really would hate to see another cross next to it.. I am asking for advice, PLEASE.......

Answer
Hello, Diana,

Don't do it! Don't bother to cancel your appointment. Just don't show up. Find a person you trust to be with when the appointment time comes, someone who agrees with the decision to protect your baby.

A woman should never have an abortion she doesn't want. She should never have an abortion to please a man, especially one she has broken up with. This man was willing to take advantage of your body, and now he thinks YOU should bear the medical and emotional consequences, not to mention the spiritual ones! He wants to be off the hook by forcing you to do something you will regret, just like you do your other abortion.

Your daughter's dad's cousin having three kids isn't a reason to deprive you of your one child. Which is more important: protecting your baby, or what your family thinks? Which is more important: what your family thinks, or being able to live with yourself?

We have two grandchildren who were born to our children who weren't married. We love them both dearly! I wouldn't DREAM of having thought their mothers should have killed them! In fact, we told our children never to be involved in abortion and we'd disown them if they were. Obviously not all families are that explicit, but in our experience, most families become very supportive. Most families may start out upset, but it doesn't last. You know what upset me the most about our situation? The fact we didn't find out one of our grandchildren existed until he was 17 months old!

You put up a cross for the other baby. Think about this. Jesus died on the cross for our sins. When a woman was caught in adultery, what did Jesus tell her? He said He would not hold her sin against her, but then He told her, "Go and sin no more!" God's forgiveness is dependent on our turning from our sin, repudiating it. To repent means to turn from sin. God made your baby in His own image, and has a plan and a purpose for his or her life. Your baby is a gift, a second chance. It doesn't look that way right now, but I'd be willing to bet you will see what I mean before long. God never gives us more than we can bear, but gives us the grace to bear it.

I strongly urge you to get some counseling. It will be very helpful in helping you resolve the issues with your first child. There are organizations all over your state that will help you. You can find the one closest to you by going to this web site:

http://www.optionline.org/

You can usually also find such organizations in your yellow pages under "Abortion Alternatives".

Those pills are dangerous. They can kill you. They can cause you to bleed to death. They can give you a massive infection which will kill you in hours. They can cause you to get breast cancer in a few years, or auto-immune disease. They can harm your future children, either causing miscarriage, or serious birth defects. A pill abortion takes days, and bleeding often lasts for weeks. A woman has to go through labor, and she might see her baby. They won't tell you this if you keep your appointment. They won't find out what you really want. They want your money. They don't care about your safety or health. These places are being shut down by government health agencies because they are not safe for women. Abortion is unethical and it is bad medicine. If they were truly conscientious doctors, there is NO WAY they would sell you those pills. Please don't endanger your life this way. Please don't harm your baby.

Please keep in touch. Let me know how you are doing. I will pray for you.

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Pat G

Expertise

I can help women with the consideration of their decision, and with resources, and I can share my own experiences as the mother of seven and grandmother of eleven. My approach is to show love and concern, and help women work through the issues, emotional, spiritual, practical. I also help women deal with boyfriend and family issues. I am not a doctor, but I have done extensive medical research, so I may be able to help with information. I am female. When you write, if you are or were pregnant, please tell me how far along you were or are, and if you have had an abortion, please tell me what kind. Thank you.

Experience

I have been working with women who are considering abortion for several years. I also work with women who have had abortions. Our family has also experienced adoption, so I can talk about that as well.

Education/Credentials
I am mostly self-taught. I also studied midwifery for awhile. I have spent years doing research on this topic. In fact, I have been doing research and working in this area since the early 1970's. I have been helping women online for a few years, under the guidance of a woman who was formally training in counseling.

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