Abortion/Return to fertility after medical abortion
QUESTION: Dear Pat:
Hi there! This is my third time trying to submit this question, and originally I was sending this to the doctor, but I am cutting and pasting it here. Sorry I didn't compose all over again, but I am getting frustrated. I will add this though since you also deal with emotional and spiritual issues: I am a Christian, and I am absolutely devastated I did this and totally dumb-founded I did it and am quite sure it was in part due to an attack of the enemy. I so desire to be a mother and would greatly appreciate your prayer. Thank you!
I asked a question yesterday and I guess I was extremely long-winded and unclear, because the response was that my question was not understood. In short, I am wondering when I can expect to be fertile again after this medical (RU486) abortion. It was a major mistake and it's a long story, but abortion is really not what I wanted. What I have read on the internet varies from return to ovulation being on average three weeks, to other articles saying fertility may not return to normal for up to a year! I will paste my original question with details below. Thank you!
I had a medical abortion at 8.6 weeks gestation on Nov. 5 and 6th (progesterone blocker and then second set of pills). This was my first pregnancy and I am 38 years old. Big big mistake. I bled for about three weeks. Had I not been pregnant, that would have been the week to expect my period (on the 8th). Typically I have a light flow for about 3 days. Finally the bleeding stopped. hCG remained in my system for quite a while; just over a month. On Dec 8th I got what I think was my period, but it lasted a very long time, til about the 15th or 16th. I thought I was done; no bleeding all day the 17th, and then an ENORMOUS gush of blood and then that was over. According to my calendar, if hormones have gone back to normal, I will be due to ovulate between Dec. 22 and 25. I will have a progesterone blood draw on the 28th. But for now i have no clue what is going on. What I would like to know is realistically what are my chances of conceiving again this month?
Your question was
hope you are doing well! I have a question I can't really find the answer to, and maybe no one can really answer it, because these things may vary from woman to woman.
I didn't know this before the abortion, but while some information on the web says you can ovulate and conceive again on average about 3 weeks after a medication abortion, while other sites have said that the medication wreaks havoc with your hormones and can cause problems for about a year!
I hope this is not too much information, but I bled pretty heavily for about 3 weeks, then that finally stopped, and I got what I think was my period starting Dec 8, which was much longer than normal. I know from the ultrasound that I still had a thickened endometrium even after all that bleeding.
The reason I think that was my period is because the bleeding had stopped and mainly because that is the week I would have normally gotten it had nothing happened. Coincidentally, (if there are coincidences!) the abortion also took place the week I would have normally gotten my period, with the medication being administered on November 5 and 6. I was 8.6 weeks, the absolute limit for the medical option, which unfortunately had a bearing on me not letting them send me home from the clinic, as they wanted.
So, sorry for the long message, but what do you think my chances are this month?
Yesterday, after having stopped "menstruating" if that is indeed what it was, I had out of nowhere one huge gush of blood that was unbelievable, and now it's over again. The NP is not concerned. But I also don't feel like I am getting clear answers on when fertility returns.
If things are "back to normal" after that long menstrual period, I would be due to ovulate basically on Christmas Day or right before. Wouldn't that be a fabulous Christmas present from the Lord? I just don't know what to expect. I will have my progesterone drawn on the 28th, but until then I don't know what's up.
I'm sorry, but I don't understand the question.
Expert: Doctor Early Options
If you'd like to ask another question in the category, please come to http://www.allexperts.com/el/Abortion/
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ANSWER: Hi, Katie,
There are several things that occur to me in response to your message. The first is that Doctor Early Options doesn't see anything wrong with abortion. (For this reason, you are not likely to get useful advice from this person.) You clearly disagree with that, since you said your abortion was a big mistake. Far too many women realize this afterward. A woman really deserves to be able to consider all her options and to get accurate information, not just get railroaded into something. Women who find themselves pregnant under adverse circumstances often push the panic button and get an abortion before thinking it through, and the abortion industry encourages this because they sell more abortions that way. However, this makes me angry because abortion is a deep and vicious attack on a woman's body, and in my opinion, no woman should ever have to experience it. We deserve better.
The gush of blood you experienced can be terrifying. I know that from personal experience. I recommend that you get some cayenne (from the health food store) and take it regularly to try to prevent a recurrence. You can also eat food that is heavily spiced with red hot peppers. Some people have told me this helps, because cayenne stops hemorrhage. You should also have yourself checked medically for this reason, and if you have a recurrence, I'd recommend going to the emergency room.
The second thing that occurs to me is to address when you will be fertile. I imagine you are aware that fertility starts to decline about age 35, so the chance of your conceiving again is reduced. Some women do have children at an older age, so it's not impossible, but I don't seriously think you can have certain expectations just because of your age. As far as how soon fertility occurs after a pill abortion, I think that is a question you should ask a doctor who is thoroughly familiar with abortion and what it does to women's hormones. For this reason, I recommend you try to locate a doctor who understands the medical consequences of abortion. There are doctors who do, who are affiliated with organizations that help women, both with pregnancy issues, and also with post-abortion counseling. I think post-abortion counseling would be very helpful, so I recommend it. You can find an organization near you, with doctors affiliated by going to this web site:
Please keep in mind that the public is lied to about abortion, and that this can cloud a woman's judgment. Try not to take the blame for the deception and fraud you experienced. If the abortion facility truly had your best interests at heart, they would have spent some time with you to find out what you really wanted. The truth is, this is very rare. That said, obviously, you are not completely free of blame, and I don't want to minimize how serious this is. As a Christian, you understand these issues, partly because of the indwelling Holy Spirit. But the first step to reconciliation with God is to confess your sin, and ask for God's forgiveness. Jesus already paid for your actions. Forgiveness is free. Jesus admonishes us to go and sin no more. Please pray to God and ask for His forgiveness. He has already provided for you. The more difficult part is being willing to forgive oneself. Please know that forgiveness is an act of will, not an emotion. You probably won't want to forgive yourself. I would be hard put to forgive myself. But since God has forgiven you, the only acceptable response is to trust God and make the decision to forgive yourself. You will suffer earthly consequences from your actions, such as missing your baby. Allow yourself to grieve. You might want to consider a memorial, such as making a web page, or planting a tree. There are also some web sites that provide particular opportunities to women to address the issues, such as a need to hold people accountable for having deceived you and taken advantage of you. The main reason for these is so that other women don't go through what you have been through. We can talk about this more if you like.
Ultimately, God will decide whether or not you have another child. If He doesn't give you a child, please consider either adoption or helping other children in other ways. Also, if you are not married, consider getting married first, because a child really needs and deserves two parents. Obviously, at the time you conceived (if you are not married), the circumstances were what they were. But for the future, this is the most important thing you can give your child. If you are married, I will help you find information on how to know when you are fertile.
God has a plan for your life, and He wants to be back in a loving relationship with you, so don't let your abortion keep you from restoring that relationship. Seek to do God's will. He will reveal to you what you can do. I hope this helps. I will keep you in my prayers. Please take care of yourself and keep in touch.
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QUESTION: Hi Pat, thank you for getting back to me so quickly. Yes, I am in a post abortion Bible study and you are right, it is much harder to forgive oneself than for God to forgive us, but if we don't, we are saying Jesus' sacrifice is not enough. Good point that it is an act of the will.
I did not understand what you said about my age. Are you saying that I should not expect to get pregnant again because of it?
In answer to your question, we were not married but are getting married soon. The whole thing didn't make any sense at all. God had even placed me as a volunteer in a pregnancy crisis center, when I was trying to volunteer in a hospital. he knew this would be a crisis (financially it was scary). Sadly the driving force behind the abortion was my mother. She basically demanded it and was an emotional basket case over me being pregnant because she dislikes the father, and she is not a believer. Very mad at myself that I let her influence me so. This was the only acceptable outcome for her. I will be distancing myself from her now.
I am still a bit frustrated here because I did not get an answer from you about return to fertility after the abortion pill. You have said you have done a lot of medical research on this tpic; could you please answer these two questions for me?
ANSWER: Hi, Katie,
You're welcome. I try to check my email often and answer questions quickly.
I am saying that in general, the fertility of women starts to decline when they turn 35. You are already 38, so your fertility has probably declined. I suppose my answer on when your fertility will return wasn't specific enough, but the truth is, nobody knows! It is a very individual matter. It depends on a woman's hormones, and these are affected by when the abortion takes place, how much medication she used, how old she is, how fertile she was to begin with, her general state of health, what kind of foods she eats, whether she has toxins in her body, whether the abortion did some specific damage (such as cause infection) and many other factors. (For example, stay away from monosodium glutamate, artificial sweeteners, and genetically modified foods. Don't use toxic cosmetics and shampoos, don't use toxic household cleaning products. While women still get pregnant with all of this, it's not as common or successful, so you need to work at it.) There simply isn't any way to answer that question precisely. Only God knows. And yes, because of the research I have done, I know it cannot be predicted.
It is such a shame that your mother did that. I don't blame you for distancing yourself, but it is still a tragedy. Pray for her. She will have to deal with her part in it, too. And the fact that she is not a believer means she has no spiritual resources, and no-place to turn. It is also a shame, because I can't influence my own children like that, even when what I want for them is in keeping with the Christian faith, and so forth, and this also extends to other family members. We should honor our parents, but not by doing what is against God's will. Ultimately, you will also have to forgive her for the way in which she sinned against you. It means not holding against her the pain she has caused you. Ask God for His help doing this. It will undoubtedly take time to accomplish all this, but ultimately, what you do can have a great influence on her salvation. She also may experience guilt and grief, and may not be able to talk about it.
It is best to get married before trying to get pregnant again, if at all possible. Seriously. God told us sexual activity is for marriage. If you now start to walk in His will, He will bless you for it. If you even have to go down immediately to a Justice of the Peace, at least do that much.
I can see how strong your real convictions are, and I hope you get much benefit from your Bible study.
I wish I could give you a better answer, but there just isn't one. Please take care. I am still praying for you.
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QUESTION: Hi Pat. That was an awesome email last night. Wow. Thank you so much. You are so right on about having to forgive my mother and needing God's help in that. I am going to be working on that in a ministry session today. Trust me, it is good you cannot influence your adult children to that degree, whether for good or bad, because my connection with her has been totally dysfunctional.
You know what the worst part is? I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING. Yes, I was under extreme mental "torture"almost (I believe Satan used my mother against me, there is a bit more to the story). I knew I was choosing to please man over God. It was a very bad situation. Thankfully, I have totally repented of that sin as well and I know God forgives me. I don't think He wishes to punish me for this sin, and I do think He still wants to bless me. I have gotten word that my prayer for giving birth to a child will still be answered, (is already answered for a day in the future) but for some reason I
am still very nervous about it.
Quickly about the more to the story: two things: I think there was some curse of barrenness operating in my family. We are sort of dying out. Also, I had a very serious drinking problem for years. My main motivation for trying to quit was to be able to be a mother. I was unsuccessful until finally, I have no doubt, the Lord cured me. It was amazing. Absolutely no desire to drink. Shortly after that I had my fertility checked, and was told I may never have children. That very day began my volunteer work at the pregnancy crisis center (an anti-abortion Christian place for crying out loud). I found this ironic, but the director told me to have faith; that maybe God was preparing me. I began praying with a deliverance minister to break curses of barrenness. The next month myblab work was normal (fertile). I told Jay, the father, we were playing with fire having unprotected sex. Soon after that, a discussion with the center director gave me the courage to decide to stop having premarital sex (5 year relationship). I had not told Jay yet though. Three days later I found out I was pregnant! Maybe God was blessing my internal obedience.
I think the enemy got the fruit of my womb on the other end! It's a war.
Now I have no idea what my fertility is.
As far as the justice of the peace goes, are you really serious about that? I expected we should do pastoral counseling, etc? Tell me more please. Have to run but thank you thank you for praying! Please have my phone just if interested:
In my experience, a person who does not believe in Christ is an unbeliever and doesn't have the indwelling Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit may be working in them; you can't really tell. But the lack of the indwelling Holy Spirit means a person may have an indwelling evil spirit, or may be under undue influence. In practice, it doesn't matter and you can't tell the difference anyway. The point is, they are following the lead of an evil spirit. I have seen a rather dramatic demonstration of the difference between that and the indwelling Holy Spirit. I think you are analyzing the situation with your mother accurately. She is allowing herself to be unduly influenced, one way or another. With respect to your mother, preach the gospel. Use words if necessary. What I mean is behave toward her as a Christian. Respect her for her position as your mother. Show her that you have forgiven her. Let her know how much she hurt you, but let her know you have forgiven her. Be loving toward her. Breaking the bond of the dysfunctional relationship won't be easy. Pray a lot about it. Think how God would want you to handle it. Believe it or not, God gave her to you as your mother for a reason. I know that from my own experience with a parent who was toxic to my life. I thank God for this toxic parent; He knew EXACTLY what He was doing when He gave me that parent. I truly would never have learned compassion if it weren't for that parent!
Remember, ALL things work together for good to them who love God and are called according to His purpose. This includes your mother and your abortion. Pray for wisdom, to see what God is doing.
All I ever asked of my adult children is that they allow me to give them information. What they do with the information is up to them. I cannot order them to do what I suggest. I have not placed any significant pressure on any of my children to do what I think is best. They're doing lots of things I don't agree with! Thank God I don't have the responsibility for my grandchildren! I will enforce the parents' rules (if they are reasonable) if I am babysitting.
As far as what God wants to do, either punish or bless you, I don't think that is the primary issue. The primary issue is the NATURAL consequences of your actions. If your actions have damaged your reproductive system, then you won't bear a healthy child. God doesn't directly punish women, in my opinion. There is something you need to be cautious of, even leery of, and that is accepting predictions (prophecies) of what God will do regarding whether you will have a child. The gift of prophecy was withdrawn when the Bible was complete. Many, many people now say they can prophesy, and in nearly every case, it turns out to be a self-serving, self-aggrandizing thing that has nothing to do with God's will.
I recommend you read and listen widely on this web site:
Brannon Howse has some of the best discernment I have seen anywhere. He teaches people to have a biblical worldview, and he identifies the frauds with specifics.
In other words, I think you are right to be uneasy about this "prophecy". I don't think God is telling anyone what He intends to do with your life.
Be careful also with deliverance ministries. They TEND to guarantee results. God is sovereign. He cannot be manipulated. He's not a Skinner box. If you put a mouse in a Skinner box, and he presses the lever, he gets a bit of food. God isn't like that. Some people preach that all you have to do is have enough faith, and God will give you what you want. It doesn't depend on YOUR faith. Your faith is a gift of the Holy Spirit. Think of what happens to a person's faith when a human being makes a promise that God doesn't honor (human beings don't speak for God). Then the person thinks he doesn't have enough faith, or he rejects faith entirely. God remains sovereign. He is like the parent who doesn't give candy to a child who begs for it. He makes the final decision about what is best for you.
If your infertility is imposed on you by evil beings, they can release you from that at any time. They might, in order to get more control over you. Look at how you were set up, basically. You became pregnant and ended up having an abortion. We don't know that your infertility was lifted by God, or by another being. There is no way to tell.
The bottom line is this: read and rely on the Bible alone. God will reveal His purposes to you in time. It might not be for awhile. It might be several years before you figure out what God is doing in your life. Don't go to people who make promises or predictions. Certainly anointing a person with oil, for purpose of healing, is biblical. Promising results isn't. Hinting that you can promise results isn't, either. God remains sovereign. Remember that the Apostle Paul prayed for healing. God's answer was No, and instead, He told Paul, My grace is sufficient for you. In other words, He gave Paul the necessary spiritual strengthening to endure the answer of No.
As for whether you will have a child, only time will tell. Like I said, if God doesn't give you a child, consider adoption, or providing your ministering to needy children. You already found a ministry in the crisis pregnancy organization. Base your hope on this: God will give you every PERFECT gift, and He will use your love for His purposes if you let Him. Whether that means by nurturing your own child, or that of another, or even a group of children, all is up to God.
As for premarital counseling, they didn't even do that when we got married. They didn't do that when my parents got married. My parents were married until my father died. My grandparents were married until my grandfather died. My in-laws were married until my father-in-law died. We are very close to our 50th anniversary and our marriage has grown over the years. My in-laws were married before a justice of the peace. One of our children also got married before a justice of the peace, and a few months later, when we were able to have a family gathering, they had the pastor come and they had a "church" wedding. What is important is the COMMITMENT, the practice of "agape" (Greek word for self-sacrificing love, the kind Jesus showed us by dying on the cross). It is cherishing the other person, putting that person's well being ahead of your own. As a woman, you will find that tends to come naturally. Is your intended spouse self sacrificing with respect to you? Or does he abuse you in subtle ways? Once you get married, the gloves come off. Every tiny annoying habit you observed beforehand will be magnified. Is this the man you want to live with for the rest of your life? Or is this simply a bond borne out of having activated hormones through sexual activity? Is this the man you want to be the father of your children, should you have any? Is he a fellow believer, or would you be unequally yoked? Are you entertaining any thoughts whatsoever that he should be "rescued" in some way, and you want to be the one to rescue him? You can't use marriage to rescue people. Think about these things. Sure, if you can get some counseling, do it, but find someone who counsels from the Bible, not from psychology. It doesn't mean you shouldn't go ahead and get married. Since your age is weighing against your having children, you shouldn't put it off. You shouldn't start a child unless you ARE committed to each other. Words are cheap. Make it a commitment you can "take to the bank". Children need and deserve parents who are married and who cherish each other. Marriage isn't about "living happily ever after." Marriage is WORK.
I hope this helps. May the Lord bless you with understanding and discernment. Merry Christmas!