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Abortion/Painful intercourse 4/5months after abortion


Let me just jump right into it. At the beginning of October 2014 I had an abortion around12/13 weeks. There were multiple reasons: I had a 5 month old, the father and i were not in a very good spot to brim having another child, and my first pregnancy was high risk and I had to have my son at 30 weeks. I wasn't ready to have to worry ad go through everything again, as well as not being selfish to my son and his life.
Now it's 4/5 months down the line, ive been on the depo shot since my abortion because they gave it to me at the clinic. But now, having sex with my boyfriend hurts so much that it makes me cry sometimes, he can't even put a finger in without having it hurt. Tampons are out of the question as well. We have tried lubricated condoms and at times I do get wet to where we dont use one but it still painfully hurts. With my first I had an emergency c-section so I kno I wasn't tight from that because before this everything was fine. I don't know what to do anymore and I can tell that it's starting to get to my boyfriend and he is starting to become annoyed with this problem.

Please Help!

Hello, Christine,

And I will give you some straight talk in return.

I know the kind of help you want is for me to tell you how to have intercourse without pain. But I can't do that, because I believe all children have a right to a mother and father who cherish them and each other, and have made a lifetime commitment. You had an abortion in the first place partly because you don't have that permanent commitment. You are also apparently trying to raise a child without a legal father. In my opinion, you need to think seriously about this, because it isn't appropriate for you to be doing this. These things have consequences, as you are discovering.

There is also the issue that because of your abortion, and/or because you are having sex inappropriately, this is causing you to tighten up, and then this causes pain. Don't discount the likelihood that you are having emotional repercussions from all this. You may not be consciously aware of this, but it should be explored. In addition, the depo shot is not good for your body, and the hormones involved could be having a negative effect. You deserve to live without damaging your body in these ways.

In another sense, yours is a medical problem, and you are asking the wrong person for help for that reason. I cannot advise you on medical issues.

I would recommend that you explore the emotional and spiritual ramifications that need to be healed. There are groups in your state that offer post-abortion counseling and other services. I would recommend that you go to the one closest to you and avail yourself of their services. They also have doctors that volunteer, who can address any medical issues. To find a group near you, please go here:

Please think seriously about why your boyfriend is becoming annoyed because you cannot service him like you did in the past. You alone suffered the medical consequences of all this, and if the thing foremost in his mind is being able to have sex, he may not truly cherish you as you deserve to be cherished.

I realize this is not what you want to hear, so feel free to ask further questions, or to tell me why you disagree with me. Please take good care of yourself, and stop hurting your body and your heart.


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Pat G


I can help women with the consideration of their decision, and with resources, and I can share my own experiences as the mother of seven and grandmother of eleven. My approach is to show love and concern, and help women work through the issues, emotional, spiritual, practical. I also help women deal with boyfriend and family issues. I am not a doctor, but I have done extensive medical research, so I may be able to help with information. I am female. When you write, if you are or were pregnant, please tell me how far along you were or are, and if you have had an abortion, please tell me what kind. Thank you.


I have been working with women who are considering abortion for several years. I also work with women who have had abortions. Our family has also experienced adoption, so I can talk about that as well.

I am mostly self-taught. I also studied midwifery for awhile. I have spent years doing research on this topic. In fact, I have been doing research and working in this area since the early 1970's. I have been helping women online for a few years, under the guidance of a woman who was formally training in counseling.

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