AboutDanielle Expertise I can answer questions regarding medical and surgical abortion, questions about abortion in general, like moral and religious issues concerning the procedure. I'm happy to answer questions, have discussions, and provide further information, like pro-choice websites and organizations.
Experience I have people close to me who have gotten abortions, I know the current abortion issues, and I have researched abortion in depth for a long time.
Question Hi Danielle. I wondered if you might be able to offer me some insight/advice. I am stronlgy pro-choice. I always have been. I got into a heated discussion with a female acquaintance(whom I do not care for) about abortion, and became incensed when she suggested that women who have been RAPED are being "selfish" when they terminate their pregnancies(that resulted from the rape). I just thought was so callous!
Anyway, what has me upset is that she said that my opinion doesn't count because I have never been pregnant or given birth. I don't know what it is like to "have a life growing inside of me". She also went on to say that it the woman having the abortion(not her) that is callous because a fetus is the most "innocent and defenceless form of human life there is".
She also said that I had no right to talk about the discomfort and pain women endure during pregnancy, because I don't know this for sure, and I am just assuming. She said pregnancy and childbirth are not at all painful, and definitely not an inconvenience. How can I respond to the argument that since I have never had a child, I can not speak with authority on this subject? Also, I must admit I was shocked! I thought that even the most devout anti-abortionist would make an exception for a rape victim! I mean, I can't imagine being violated like that, and then being forced to carry that rapists child. A rapist can even petition the court for custody. He actually has rights! What about HER rights? To think that a woman who has been through such a traumatic experience should have to justify her decision to anyone, let alone face judgment and condemnation. This really outraged me. Thanks for listening. I hope you have some ideas as to how I can approach this. I really want to respond with a thought provoking, compelling argument. I was quite offended when she insinuated that I didn't know what I am talking about, just because I have never had nor want children. Thanks.
Leslie
Answer Hi Leslie :)
In simple terms, pardon my language, what she is saying is just utter bullshit. Pain and inconvenience cause by pregnancy are not magical symptoms only pregnant women know about. And considering many women who have abortions also deal with some pregnancy symptoms, yes, it is ok to speak out on it w/o having children. While pregnancy may be fine for some women, others have a horrendous time with it. And whether it's a wanted pregnancy or not does not affect the symptoms you receive, or the fussiness of the baby, for that matter. Well, she cares about the fetus, not the woman. Oh, and about the inconvenience. Well, it certainly is might inconvenient for teenagers in school, women working full time jobs (that they'd like to keep), and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Those doctors appointments, prenatal care....inconvenient. Maybe enjoyable for whomever, but inconvenient in my opinion.
You are a woman, with a uterus and a vagina, with the ability to become pregnant. That gives you automatic authority on this subject, whether she likes it or not. You could be in the position to make a decision for or against an abortion one day, therefore you should have all the rights in the world to speak out on it. See, saying pregnancy isn't inconvenient or painful, that's ignorant. Also, you could always throw in the fact that surgical abortion is not only 13 times safer than childbirth, but safer than wisdom tooth extraction. And childbirth is still a HUGE killer of women, whether people or society want to face up to that or not. Sometimes all the medical care in the world just won't be enough. Also, pregnancy could also be inconvenient in the form of the changing body- what about all the girls and women who are already having enough trouble being happy with their bodies? Pregnancy wouldn't really help that. It also puts a girl's schools studies on hold, and lessens her chances of a brighter future. She needs to know that having a child or children in no way gives you unprecedented authority on the subject over those who haven't, case closed. There are many women who turn pro-choice by BEING pregnant, knowing they wouldn't force pregnancy on someone else who didn't want it. The whole fetus situation just gets complicated. It doesn't feel pain, emotion, etc. It doesn't care, nor does it have the ability to. Also, very importantly, women's bodily integrity trumps the fetus's right to life. It can't take over her body, zap out all her nutrients, w/o her permission first. Just like if you were dying, and asked the woman for her liver b/c you have the right to life, she should be able to say no.
And the rape situation is just horrendously offensive as well. I 100% have the same thoughts as you about it. Rape would just be such a horrific violation of one's body, with lingering, if not life-long effects on the mind. Not to mention a child of rape might not receive the best parenting. Bring that up. Why would she want a child to be raised in such a horrible situation? Really, the whole situation is just awful. Women shouldn't, in any situation, have to justify what they're doing with their own bodies, but the world likes it otherwise.
I definitely apologize for how long this is, but things like this get me so heated! Although, it does get easier to stay calm. And you have every damn right in the world to be offended at what she said, because it is extremely offending. If I didn't answer your questions completely, just let me know, I'd be happy to help!
