AboutDanielle Expertise I can answer questions regarding medical and surgical abortion, questions about abortion in general, like moral and religious issues concerning the procedure. I'm happy to answer questions, have discussions, and provide further information, like pro-choice websites and organizations.
Experience I have people close to me who have gotten abortions, I know the current abortion issues, and I have researched abortion in depth for a long time.
Expert: Danielle Date: 6/16/2008 Subject: Should I give it all up?
Question Hi. I do not know whether this falls within your area of expertise or not, but thought I would give it a shot. I was involved with a man for three years who embraced my feminist and pro-choice views, and was very supporitve of my involvement in pro-choice activism. He knew that I worked at a women's clinic, and was fine with that. He also knew that I did not want children. I made it clear that if i ever got pregnant, I would end it. He and I agreed on that.
All of a sudden he has changed. He has "found God" and is all into Christianity now. I have always believed Christianity to be harmful and oppressive to women, and his change in attitude towards me is an example of that! He has become very posessive and controlling, and demanded that I give up my feminism. He says that he is the man, and I have to do what he says, according to the bible. And that includes giving up my "non christian" job, stop using birth control and be open to having children etc. AFTER we get married of course. We can not even continue having premarital sex I don't even really want to get married.
Women's rights and abortion rights in particular are very important to me. Should I give it all up to please him? I am torn over this.I wanted to talk to someone who might understand. Most of the people I know say I SHOULD be willing to do so, and that I am being irrational. That if I loved him I would change. I am thinking of leaving him though. I LOVE my job, and my activism is important to me. Please help.
Elaine
Answer Hi Elaine :)
He has no right to tell you what to do with your career, body, or anything else. If he's resorting to the bible, he has to not pick and choose what beliefs he follows from it; so if he's going to be against birth control and abortion (which, by the way, the bible can be interpreted as saying it is NOT murder!), and premarital sex, he also needs to be against alcohol drinking, traveling in any other way than by foot, monogamy (men had multiple wives), and even against marriage itself; the apostle Paul declares it is best to be single/celibate, women who aren't virgins on their wedding nights. That's only the tip of the iceberg.
In my opinion, I don't think you should give up who you are and what you do for someone who is going to treat you unequally. There's nothing irrational about having your own career, interests, and choices. Irrational would be giving everything up for someone who is looking down on you and your decisions. Leaving a relationship is a big step, but if it's what you want to do, and need for yourself, then it's a great decision. I think it'd be better to be with a man who respects your individuality, what you stand for, and what you choose to do.
The "if you loved him you would change" doesn't apply here. Changing who you are, your beliefs, what makes you happy? No. In this case, i believe he's the one who needs to drastically change. You deserve respect, and it doesn't sound like he's giving you any. You definitely deserve an equal partnership. Good luck with what you decide, I hope you'll be able to do what you truly want :)
