Expert: Doctor Joan - 4/8/2011

Question
QUESTION: I had an abortion in June, and was devastated. Well I spent the last 8 months working on myself and thought I was ready to try again. I already have two children 8 and 5, and I am 40 years old. My husband and thought we wanted this, but now I feel like we made a horrible mistake. From the moment I found out I was pregnant(I am 6 weeks) I have been an anxiety mess, this passed weekend I bled, and thought I suffered a miscarriage, found out today that everything is fine. I cried because I wanted this over and thought it would happen naturally. Not that easy. So now I have to make another choice. Feel horrible that I put my husband and I in this situation, and upset the reaction is dread again. Has this happened to other women who may have had replacement baby feelings, and how have women felt after the second abortion. Is it harder? I made a mistake.

ANSWER: You should see a therapist to help you with this.  If you have an abortion again, then you should see someone.  Many women are upset but they do not have such strong emotions.  
http://www.4exhale.org/

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I have been seeing a therapist. I did not expect to be here again during this pregnancy. My question was about replacement baby feelings, and thinking you are healed from a previous abortion, when in reality the same issues are there?

Answer
I am not sure.  Exhale could help you.  Through this column I do find many women who have these feelings but they are not common.  One way to get over this is just hold on to what you have and know that many women make the mistake of skipping a pill, having the condom break or have their doctor refuse to fill their birth control prescription.  You have the right to change your mind but if you dwell on this, you will make it more difficult.  

Your next step is to make the decision that makes you happy and that is good for you.  your family will be happy if you are happy