Abortion - Pro Choice Views/Maternal insticnt

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Hello. The other day I was having lunch with my mom at a restaurant, and we struck up a conversation with the waitress. She was a seemingly hip, modern young woman who was very pleasant, friendly and interesting. She was telling us about a movie she had seen in which the main character was a woman who came of age during a time when women were expected to marry and have a family. The woman had so many dreams, but ended up giving them in order to be a wife and mother. I said I thought that was sad, and she agreed that it was, but then said something like( I don't remember what she said word for word) but the gist of it was well, that is what we (meaning women) really want deep down (to be mothers) and that is what we were meant for. It's how our bodies were made. And being a mother is really the most fulfilling and important role for a woman. I was really shocked! I couldn't believe a young woman would think like that. How backwards! I managed to say that I thought that was a bit of an overgeneralization, that women were individuals and that we were all different. But I didn't want to be argumentative, or risk offending her since she was so nice. It's just that I have known since as far back as I can remember that I never wanted children, and this is certainly not the first time I have encountered someone with her attitude. It makes me feel kind of bad, like there must be something wrong with me. The truth is I don't even like children, and if I never saw one again it would be fine with me! I don't like the fact that you can't have a conversation when children are around, because they keep interrupting, and always need and want to be the center of attention. And how you have to watch everything you say when they are around and can't watch or listen to certain things. And how when you go to a restaurant or a movie and other people's kids are misbehaving, it distracts everyone around them! So disrespectful and annoying, especially when the parents don't correct the behavior, or worse seem to think it's funny. And I don't exactly relish the idea of nine months of pregnancy, child birth, breast feeding, diaper changing, being woken up at all hours of the night etc. But if you say things like that people tell you that you are being selfish, that those are shallow reasons for not wanting children. Regarding the pain of childbirth one woman even said that that was our punishment! Seriously? Am I weird for not liking kids? And what about maternal instinct? Is it real or is it just a myth? It's not that I am not nurturing or caring. I have pets and I love to nurture, care for and spoil them. And I am a very caring friend, daughter etc. But I just don't like kids. And this is going to sound terrible, but I don't agree that kids are innocent. I mean, in some ways yes. But I was bullied all through school, and I found kids were the meanest and cruelest creatures of them all! Even now (I have a disability) and there are times when I am in public and kids will stare, point or laugh and their parents don't even bother to correct them. Adults don't do that. Of course I'm sure they do it behind my back, but kids have no filter whatsoever. I know they don't understand, but it's hurtful nonetheless. And I don't think I would want to bring a child into this world anyway. It's not a nice place in my opinion. I don't mean to talk your ear off, but I just wanted to explain as clearly as possible how I feel. Experiences like that make me feel like I'm some abnormal deviant. And people will say they don't understand why I wouldn't like children, since I'm such a loving person. And when I say I wouldn't hesitate to have an abortion, they act all horrified. I wonder also, do you know of any reading material on this subject, or perhaps organizations, chat rooms etc. for other young women who feel this way? I wonder how common my experiences are. Thank you in advance for your time. I think it's great that you volunteer your time to provide women with unbiased, accurate information about abortion and birth control. In my town there are a lot of so-called "crisis pregnancy centers" and it's terrible what they do, telling women they will be at a higher risk for depression and suicidal thoughts, breast cancer, infertility etc. if they have an abortion, telling women how selfish and irresponsible they are, shaming them for having sex etc. etc. It's hard for young women to get non-judgmental information on the subject. We had someone from a local "pro life" organization come to my high school and she talked about how if a girl has sex with a guy (she used the term "puts out") he won't respect her, and will think she is a "slut" and how only self-absorbed, selfish women have abortions, how the baby inside of you is being murdered so that you don't have take responsibility for what you did and all that. It was awful, and we were forced to sit and listen to it! That and the evils of masturbation and pornography and homosexuality. It seems that there is a connection between traditional views about what a woman's role is and negative views about sex and anti abortion views. At least that has been my observation. I'd just be interested in hearing your thoughts on any of the things I have mentioned in this e-mail, particularly whether or not you feel that maternal instinct is a myth and if not is it something inherent, or is it related more to how women are socialized? Thanks a lot Danielle.

Answer
People who say things like that probably either have it very ingrained from the time they're little, or don't have the wherewithal to voice a differing opinion-too much conflict, or they had children out of obligation instead of desire, & want other people to suffer the same fate. It seems like the people who wanted kids and had them, will say "I love them but I can't imagine doing this if I didn't want them so much.It's fucking hard."

Go figure, I don't even know why people think it's anywhere near acceptable to not discipline their children. Not even the slightest idea. You're right-they don't understand, but that's why the paren'ts job is to reprimand and/or inform them, & idek what happened to the teaching of basic manners 101. Don't worry about talking my ear off-vent as much as you want.

Actually, could you message me back so I'm reminded to look for readings/chat rooms/support? I gotta head out & drive, and I'd rather not wait & delay this response. Absolutely I will get those for you.

CPCs are horrific, completely, utterly horrific. Their goal is to coerce out of abortion, then coerce you into placing the child with a christian family through adoption. Disgusting.  

Lol there is, it's all connected to controlling & shaming women. All of it.

whether there is a maternal instinct-prob for some people, but men included. Otherwise it's all socialization.  

Abortion - Pro Choice Views

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Danielle

Expertise

I can answer questions regarding medical and surgical abortion, questions about abortion in general, like moral and religious issues concerning the procedure. I'm happy to answer questions, have discussions, and provide further information, like pro-choice websites and organizations.

Experience

I have people close to me who have gotten abortions, I know the current abortion issues, and I have researched abortion in depth for a long time.

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College education

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