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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Women's Health > Abortion - Pro Choice Views > Abortion
Expert: Danielle
Date: 11/20/2007
Subject: Abortion
Question
QUESTION: Hi. What is your response to the argument that if a woman didn't want to get pregnant, she should never have "opened her legs" or had sex? The other day a heated debate broke out in my religion class about abortion, and I stood up to a guy who was bashing women who had abortions. I tried to explain that accidents happen, and that we shouldn't judge people. That was his response. IT hurt me because i had an abortion. He had made it sound like all women who have them are "sluts". I am not one. I was and still am in a committed, loving relationship with my boyfriend of three years. It hurt and angered me, but I didn't know how to respond. Why is it that men are never called "sluts" or condemned for having sex, but if a woman enjoys sex she is a whore who deserves to be punished? It doesn't seem fair to me. Thank you.
Amy
ANSWER: Hi Amy :)
You have every right to be hurt and angered, what he said is completely ignorant and just plain wrong. I often get angered by the same exact comments. Wherever you go, stupid things are going to be said. He needs to grasp the concept that sex is natural, probably the most natural thing ever between two humans; but too many people don't realize this. The "open her legs" thing is just crap, really. How about the guy keeps it in his pants?
Congrats to standing up to the guy, it's a hard thing to do on such a subject. You're right-accidents have happened, do happen, and WILL happen. And not everyone has the tools to prevent pregnancy, with the soaring costs of birth control, and even that isn't 100%, nor are condoms.
Ugh, the word slut just bothers me SO much. Like you said- women get called names for having sex (heaven forbid she enjoys it, too!) and men don't. It's wrong, sexist, and apparently the accepted norm. It's NOT fair, at all, and i wish so badly more people would see that. Like, it's celebrated when men have sex, and lose their virginity, but when a girl does, she's "impure".
Don't take what people like him say to heart, chances are a friend or girlfriend in the future will have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy. It's extremely common, and abortion is an option for women whether he likes it or not.
Many women find themselves in your situation- committed, loving relationship, and an unwanted pregnancy. Things happen. Bring up that the woman sure didn't get pregnant on her own, and the male was most likely not forced into the act, and he should know and be prepared for consequences as well. Sex is built into human nature-it's going to happen.
Everything you wrote to me is completely perfect to say, really. When forced to hear things like that, people don't know how to respond, because what you're saying is true. So just ignore them, but if you ever need to stand up to one again, you already know the perfect words :)
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Wow, it is nice to know there are other women out there who get pissed off by the whole sexual double standard. I hope you don't mind a follow up. I forgot to include this, but the worst part was that the teacher AGREED with him! And then started preaching about how the bible says that sex before marriage is wrong, and if WOMEN just heeded that advice abortion wouldn't be an issue in the first place. If that wasn't bad enough, he went on to talk about how the bible instructs women to "submit" to their husbands and blah blah blah. I HATE it when people use the bible or hide behind religion to justify their ignorance. I am currently enrolled at a Catholic high school, but am going to switch for this very reason! As far as you know, does the bible prohibit abortion? I mean, I don't know whether it matters or not, because I don't think the bible should be taken so seriously you know? It's a book, just like any other. And let's not forget it was written by men. Thank you for your time, and for helping me to sort this all out. I know he is ignorant, and I shouldn't let his comments bother me, but I guess this is just a sensitive issue. He finished off his little lecture with a "all women who have abortions are going to hell" and the teacher stood there nodding and smiling. Grrr. I will be sure to rate you as volunteer of the month! Such a relief to know that i am not the only one who shares these views, because at my school I often feel like a pariah. Thanks again.
Amy
Answer
Yeah, it really is. Sometimes I start to think I'm the only one :/
That's ridiculous. Premarital sex shouldn't even be an issue when it comes to abortion. And not all women who are married want children, can financially afford one, or are healthy enough to have one. And waiting until marriage doesn't prevent rape and incest.
Ugh, definitely not what the bible should be used for. And if he is going to defend women being submissive, i hope he's ready to defend EVERYTHING in the bible. Actually, as far as I'm concerned, abortion itself isn't even mentioned in the bible. Many people have different interpretations of what the bible considers "life" to be. Many religious people do think God is pro-choice though ;)
Yeah, the good morals should be taken, but not everything so word-for-word, when people can't even agree on what those words mean!
Thank you! You are one of the few people I know who shares the same views on this subject. Sometimes I just got to rant about the whole situation, really.
Yeah, when an issue is so close to you, it's hard to hear others talking about it with little to no knowledge. It does get easier though. I used to nearly explode if someone said anything remotely negative, but now i can stay calm (for a while, anyway). All women who have abortions going to hell? HA! So many women in this country don't even admit to their abortions, so for all he knows his mother has had one.
It is a relief! And in a different environment than that school, I promise you that you will find more and more people who think like this. I remember in classes where most people were horrified at abortion, and over the years it's gotten to the point where only a few people in the class are the ones putting down women who get abortions and the process itself. SO things definitely just keep on improving. Always feel free to message back :)
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