AboutDanielle Expertise I can answer questions regarding medical and surgical abortion, questions about abortion in general, like moral and religious issues concerning the procedure. I'm happy to answer questions, have discussions, and provide further information, like pro-choice websites and organizations.
Experience I have people close to me who have gotten abortions, I know the current abortion issues, and I have researched abortion in depth for a long time.
Question My 19 year old daughter got mixed up with the wrong people and ended up with a druggie bunch of people, found a new "love of her life" but the drugs caused problems in their relationship, so they both cheated when high. Now she is pregnant, and "THINKS" there is only a choice between her boyfriend and one other guy who is 1/2 Korean (which would show up quick in the baby). But, if her calculations are wrong, it could be a couple of other guys. She wants to have the baby if it was her boyfriends since she has a problem with the entire abortion issue, but it would just hurt him and his family if it ends up being someone else's baby, plus Asian would show up for sure and she wouldn't be able to just pass it off or hide it from people. We've been a very active family in church and the issue of embarrassment will be huge, but also her young life will be affected forever. The meth has affected her emotions, making her appear bi-polar, quick to snap in anger. I worry that the baby will be damaged in it's little brain or body. She can't work with her head all messed up, and she hopes to go back to college, which means NO INCOME. I've been a single mom, raised my 3 kids, and know it's HARD. She has no idea of how difficult her life will be and gets stuck on the "little sweet baby" thought and is letting too much time pass.
What can I tell her to help? The boyfriend has just been arrested for several charges, prob about 9 months in jail, so should he be led on thinking he's going to be a dad? I think not. Would she want a life stuck with a 8 year drug addict and drug seller? I think not. WIll he change in 9 months? I think not. NOW, what I think isn't getting things solved.. I'm just so worried about her future and that of any child born from drug users, not to mention not knowing who the father will be. I think life would be worse than the loss of a 8 week embryo. HELP!
Answer Hi Katie :)
I don't think there's any sure fire way of figuring out who the father is. But I think her health is most important right now. It is a health risk to the fetus as well, and it is hard on the mother when their child is born with difficulties. Do you think telling her how her drug using is affecting the pregnancy would help?
I don't want to worry you, but meth affects many parts of a developing fetus, and affects the baby after it's born- deformities, strokes, developmental disabilities among other things. But fortunately, today there is so much that can be done for pregnant women who have a drug addiction.
You're absolutely right- Life would be worse than the loss of an 8 week embryo. She needs to be told what the reality of her life would be. The boyfriend should know that there is always the possibility he isn't the father. She needs to know how hard having a baby and raising a child can be, especially a baby that may have some drug related heath problems.
I know my mother worked with drug addicted pregnant women at one time- They won't cut a woman off cold turkey, because that is next to impossible; but the drugs they do give them to help them, affect the fetus quite badly. Your daughter really needs to know what's best for HER. She could still have a miscarriage at this point as well. I'm not sure how hard telling her this will be, if you can. If she is absolutely hellbent on the pregnancy, then it will be harder. But she does have until 6 months to terminate it medically, if she changes her mind.
If she does stick with the pregnancy, making sure it goes well is important; including regular visits to a doctor. There is always the option of adoption (which is probably the hardest one on most women) and Safe Havens.
If you have any more questions or want to, always feel free to message back :)
