Expert: Bill Stephens - 11/17/2006

Question
thank  you
up to you if u wanna get involved
i dont really know whats best and am a very shy person
i am sorry for your loss
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The text above is a follow-up to ...

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u sound more adept at this sort of thing
would u like to actualize your wise advice?
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The text above is a follow-up to ...

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allexperts, i am asking for practical reasons and think i have been placed into a pivotal position in a life and death matter,a pivotal position in a life and death matter
516)417-7140


reference:
what can someone say to a 33 year old social worker who was an only
child from a middle class background who is contemplating having an
aboriton due to career  conflict and  out of wedlock issues ? to talk her out
of it?
what if  i am a stranger who found out about the problem inadvertently?
what if she is resentful of my involvemtn?
if i told he raprnets and she is angry at that
shou di follow up and still send  people to contact her and talk her
out of it?
or will this ahve a paradoxical affect
i mean how will her anger towards me affect her diecision either way?


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You are right, that it can cause a person who is strong-willed to cling even further to his/her point of view if confronted by someone, especially a stranger.  If though she is not 100% or nearly so convinced, then you can look at it like this:  any chance of bad feelings or lack of ensuing friendship with this person is not as important as assisting in saving the baby's life.  I would suggest you calmly ask her to speak with you or with you and your wife if married (may help to have another woman there) and to meet in an open area, maybe a park for example, and then simply lovingly state that you have heard of her intention and ask forgiveness if it sounds like an intrusion, but you want her to know that others will help her get through this, if she has the baby.  The child will be a blessing, but she has to accept that blessing.  God is already creating that child within her.  Do not be harsh or stern.  Do not irritate this woman but just show love.  Many career-minded women have successfully given birth and continued toward their professional goals.  I hope some of this helps.
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I just know that the best way to treat others is the way that we all want treated down deep, with kindness and respect.  It's easier to convince someone of something if you personally are a good example.  Also, I know what it is like to lose a baby.  It is tragic.

Answer
I've always been a shy person myself, so confrontation is difficult for me as well.  I'm unable to tell you what to do, but use good judgment, remain calm if you confront the individual, and then just "let it go" afterward.  Do not allow yourself to feel embarrassed nor doubtful.  Just go your way knowing you've done what you can.  If there is another you know with the same view, especially one who knows this individual better than you do, you might ask him or her to talk to her instead.  I cannot go any further on this, but if you are a believer in God, please pray and even pray with others if you worship at a church or a home setting.  She can remain anonymous.  God knows who your heart is set upon helping.