AboutDavid Simonsen Expertise I can answer questions directly related to your challenging relationships. I will give you a straight forward answer to what I think the problem is.
Experience I have the experience needed to help you sort out how to work through your relationship. I meet weekly with people who have challenging relationships so let me help you!
Organizations AAMFT;AACC
Education/Credentials B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy
Question I have been married for 5 months to a man I have not even known for a year. When we met we thought we were perfect for each other, despite the fact he had vowed never to marry again after his first marriage failed 8 years ago. Since we have been married we argue about silly things. He will say that I have said and done things to him when I know that I haven't or he will say that I haven't said and done things when I know that I have - it's like he's lying but he is doing it to put me down? Also, when we do argue, If I get upset or go quiet, he says that he cant cope with my moods and that I am dragging him down so he doesn't want to be with me anymore, I would estimate that he ends our relationship once every two weeks until I beg him to get back with me. He earns more money than me and I have about £200 to spare every month after I have paid my half to the bills etc, consequently, he has ended up paying for most of the work to be done on the house we have brought but her regularly uses this against me saying that I should contribute more..... I simply cant afford to match what he has paid out for the work. When we argue, he always turns things around to be my fault and then spends the day texting me whilst I'm at work saying things like "I cant go on like this" and "It's over, this is not how things should be" Since the beginning of our relationship he has been in contact with his ex girlfriends although he will not let me speak to mine and has made me delete all of their numbers, admittedly he has changed his phone number now and so the texts from his ex's have stopped. our sex life is really good and when we get on, we get on really well, but generally I am struggling to get my head around the fact that he regularly tries to finish what we have. Can this really be love? I feel like I' being mentally bullied and generally i feel really low and as if I'm trapped with no where to go. I have out all of my money into our house and due to the fact we got married so quickly, he knows that i would be embarrassed to ask anyone for help now. I am very isolated
Answer Marie,
I am not sure why you continue to go back to him when he says things are over. Is your embarrassment so great? I would suggest you get out of the marriage since it doesn't seem like you were thinking too clearly when you got into it. If you are not willing to do that, then I would suggest you seek out counseling for yourself. This isn't just about your husband. You play a part as well. You continue to seek after him when he is so rude to you. It would be important to know why you do that.
David
www.help4life.net
