Question Hi, my name is Amy and I'm 28 years old. I have been with my fiance for 4 years now and most of it has been great. We have 2 children a daughter who's two and a half and a son who'd 14 months. However, I'm 8 months pregnant with our third child and this was the only pregnancy not planned. At first I wanted to have the baby but he was so against it, that I decided to go for an abortion. At the clinic I decided I couldn't go through with it and I'm currently working with an agency to put the baby up for adoption. My boyfriend has treated me very badly during this pregnancy by saying he's going to the store and not coming home all night. He says that he stays with either his mom or a cousin but I know he goes out drinking beforehand. We argue about it afterwards and he tries to turn it around on me that I push him to leave, that he won't go out with me cause its no fun cause I'm too fat now, etc. He says its all my fault I'm pregnant and he shouldn't have anything to do with it, taking me to doctor's appointments, being involved with the adoption, and helping me with the other children.
A little background history is that I have panic disorder with agoraphobia. I was diagnosed with this at age 19 and I normally take Effexor at 150mg a day and xanax at 1mg a day but with the pregnancy my doctor switched me to Prozac at 20 mg which really isn't working for me. My symptoms are severe with shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, and shaking. I don't drive but when he brings me to the store I'm able to run small errands, but really can't be out in public more than a half hour. I currently taking college courses online at Strayer University and have a 4.0GPA and I major in accounting. My fiance is in construction and I receive welfare benefits for cash and food stamps. We live in New Jersey, he lived here most of his life. I'm from Massachusetts and he was working on a bridge there when we met. It was a long distance relationship after he went back to New Jersey but during my pregnancy with my daughter I moved to NJ to be with him. I have no friends or family here and I feel extremely isolated and my fiance' whole family is here but he doesn't let me spend time with them often. My family won't help me because they feel I made my decision and I should live with it, but I'm not sure if I can. There is such a lack of respect in this relationship and I feel as though he does whatever he wants. I cry nearly everyday sometimes more than once and its hard to be happy for my children. I'm thinking of leaving and going to a shelter after I have the baby but I don't know if I'm strong enough. How can I make him understand that I'm deeply hurt with the things he says and does and that I'm not just looking for pity when I cry? I'm also sad about giving up the baby, I know its for the best but it still is my child.
Answer Hi Amy
I would have a chat with your fiance about his behavior. If it isn't working for you, you should consider moving back to Massachusetts to be nearer to your family. Blood is thicker than water. Whether you give up the baby is up to you, but he would have to pay child support for the other two children if you broke up.
