About Francis Hosein Expertise I can answer questions on relationships; marriage, abuse, controlling relationships, successful relationships, codependency, father and daughter relationships,
I can answer questions on psychics, mediums, paranormal phenomena.
Experience relationships, psychic readings, setting goals, meditation, tai chi, therapy, yoga, massage. neuro linguistic programming
Education/Credentials b.a. in psychology, therapist in NLP, degree in chi nei tsang massage.
medium for over twenty years. Tai chi teacher for 27 years.
Question Hi, first of all I have a daughter that was in this same type of relationship, and I co-worker that is this way to his soon to be ex. So I think this might color my viewpoint some.
My friend (a guy) has been in a strange relationship with the same woman on and off for 17 years. It started as a high school thing, with them getting engaged, she was pregnate (about 2 yr relationship). She left him (he has never said why) had an abortion and moved on with her life, and he his. Both married, her husband o.d's on pain killers (I think she drove him to it- but that is a guess, and I have a colored perspective), he went on to marry a woman who wanted it all her way- she divorced him after the second child she also had post partum depression. She hooked up with another man right after the birth of the second son, they had a nasty divorce. RE-enter woman from the past------
He felt sorry for her having 2 children and no father or husband, she helped him with his sons, she got mixed up with drugs and he left her. (Ending about a 2 1/2 to 3 year relationship again).
A year went by she had been clean and she used her kids as means to get him back, "the only father figure they had ever known". The kids called him and begged him to come back. He told me he was going back to "make amends" for the past, no he didn't want to talk about it.
It is a small town we live in and things are said about her having many problems, bar hopping, gambling, when they are together they are seen yelling at one another, I didn't belive this until I actually saw it- she was yelling at him, he had his hands in his pockets taking it. She is jealous of his friends (female) and has spread rumors about him having an affair- he is not capable of this. (I think she is accusing him if an affair with me, I haven't seen him since February) we only chit chat for a few minutes every week or so. Also claims she pays all the bills, she works in laundry and house cleaning, he has a good job and makes 4* what she does, so this is a lie too. Anyway, I see her as what is termed as a "clinger" they are hard to get away from.
I am a female friend of his and our friendship has to be "hidden" I hate this, but having seen what this type of relationship did to my daughter and co-workers wife I am really torn, I don't have a clue how to help or make him see this is wrong and bad for not only his mental health but the mental health of his boys.
How do I help? I have tried to talk to him about his but he won't answer me, he avoids it, which if I have something wrong he will set me straight, so this fact scares me even more- I have to be right....
What can I do? Is there anything, do I have to stay the hidden friend and wait till he comes to his senses? Will he ever come to his senses?
She is now making him feel like his is a failure in his relationships.
I feel like our friendship isn't fair, he can call me but I can't call him. How can I make him see this?
What is even worse for me is that I have admitted that I care way too much for him, so watching all this from a distance tears away at my heart, how strong and how many times do I have to watch this? They have been back together for about 2 years now.
Oh- he has also told me when it is good it is really good when its bad it is bad. Her kids are not disaplined at all his are, she has a son and a daughter he has 2 sons, his mom told me that the her sone and his oldest pal around this leaves Jared his youngest out and so he wants to spend his weekends with them (grandparents, not his dad). Why can't he break free from this?
How do I help?
Answer Hi Brenda, If you wish to be a friend then support him in whatever decision he makes, he is not ready to change, no matter how much you talk to him about the problems.
Your job is not to show him what needs to change, sometimes friends may go through difficulties and you need to be clear with you if it is hurting you by staying in the friendship if yes then you take a break from your relationship until you can be more supportive.
It is important to respect yourself and your friend and not force another if he is not willing.
