AboutDavid Simonsen Expertise I can answer questions directly related to your challenging relationships. I will give you a straight forward answer to what I think the problem is.
Experience I have the experience needed to help you sort out how to work through your relationship. I meet weekly with people who have challenging relationships so let me help you!
Organizations AAMFT;AACC
Education/Credentials B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy
Question Hello David,
I have a problem with lying to the woman that I love and it is about unimportant things. It is destroying our relationship and it may not be salvageable but at least I can get some insight as to why I do it. My guess is that it is related to a form of codependence. I don't lie to other people but to the person that means the most to me in the world while knowing that it is the single worst thing that she hates. I learned the little white lie from my father as a child, I learned secrecy and deception as a soldier and although I do not lie about big or serious issues, I do lie about silly and insignificant things, things that would even help us. I got busted in a lie last night because I had obtained a credit card and denied having one (she had been after me to get one anyway) even when she showed me the credit card statement I continued to try to lie. I realized at some point that this was ridiculous! I was anxious, nervous, afraid because I knew that the consequences of getting caught in a lie may be the end of our relationship. Once a liar, always a liar and that seems to be true with me. This happened before with quitting smoking and other small lies. I understand her point, if I could lie to her face about this, what else am I lying about?! The answer is nothing but how can she trust that answer? I need help to figure out why I lie to the person I love most in this world and no one else. Thank you for listening.
Answer Bruce,
As long as you view your wife as someone out to punish you then you will continue to lie. This is most likely a combination of you being a wimp and your wife being overbearing. It is not something to be taken lightly. I would suggest you seek out a therapist and deal with this issue now!
David
www.help4life.net
