About Francis Hosein Expertise I can answer questions on relationships; marriage, abuse, controlling relationships, successful relationships, codependency, father and daughter relationships,
I can answer questions on psychics, mediums, paranormal phenomena.
Experience relationships, psychic readings, setting goals, meditation, tai chi, therapy, yoga, massage. neuro linguistic programming
Education/Credentials b.a. in psychology, therapist in NLP, degree in chi nei tsang massage.
medium for over twenty years. Tai chi teacher for 27 years.
Question I have been married for a little over 2 years. My husband is a pastor and has one daughter from a previous marriage. When we first started dating (in 5 years ago), I didn't really want to be in a relationship. I was happy being single and independent. Everytime I turned around he was there. He developed a very close relationship with my youngest child (I have five children) who was just an infant when we started dating. It was because of their relationship that I felt it was a good thing. Very early in the relationship, he would have anger issues. They were quick and he was always fast to send a bouquet of flowers to apologize. This soon became a noticeable cycle and I told him to send no more flowers. It was almost sickening to me how this cycle would continue. The anger/yelling continued in the relationship and now that we are married is MUCH worse. Before we were married, he seemed to ADORE me most of the time (I actually use to wake up at night and he would be staring at me) but now after we are married, can't find much he likes about me and consistently pointing out areas that I need to change about myself. He says he is only being honest and they are 'good' changes. I have been suffering from depression for almost a year now. He does not believe in medication for depression and ridicules me taking it. He has told me I am possessed/will burn in hell someday/called me satan, etc etc. He is a pastor!! He is so willing to help others but when I need him most, he says I am needy and has actually said 'wah wah wah' when I have been crying about something. My children are tired of the way he treats me. He has tried to use the kids against me and tells me they can't stand me. He says I don't deserve my children and that someday they will be 'itching' to get away from me. I can't tell you how painful those things are to hear. I know that they are not true at all, but his belittling words have a big crushing effect on me. I try soooo hard to be strong and not crumble when he starts his put downs and threats. I have recently tried to wait until he is out of sight before I react with tears as the tears seem to give him more ammunition. My husband worked for 9 years as a manager in a grouphome for MRDD and lost his job this past summer for yelling at the boss and making her cry. I thought maybe this would wake him up, but he has convinced himself he is a victim. I have started to become physically sick and have little to no self esteem anymore. I told him to leave a few days ago and he is gone. My youngest child is so upset as she is so close to him. I feel I can't continue in this relationship anymore. I do not feel that he can change as he doesn't believe he has a problem. Without a change I can't continue. I feel I need to get well myself and recover from the past few years of destruction. Can you give me your advice on some tips on my road to recovery? Is there something I should be doing for him to help him? If I could do anything to turn this marriage around and it to be a functional/loving/non abusive marriage I would. I just don't think there is anything else I can do. Your help and advice in this matter would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, Merry
Answer Hi Merry, sorry to hear about your difficulties in your life.
You saw the problems before you enter in this marriage and you did not trust in yourself or put yourself first.
This is going to be a battle for you to break the cycle for you and your children, otherwise they will seek mates out with the same problems.
Before you help another you need to help yourself and the children, and since your husband does not believe that he has something to change, I suggest that you leave, I know it is a difficult decision and it will take a lot of strength and courage from you to do so.
You will do better once you move out and your depression will subside.
Remember you cannot ask another to love you, or put you first when you are not doing it for yourself.
To have five children takes courage, and you have the most difficult job on earth, to raise and to be there for your children, be a better leader a little more longer and take them out of a place that is not loving.
