Expert: David Simonsen - 10/1/2008

Question
I BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND FOR 6 YEARS ONLY BEEN MARRIED FOR 3 MONTHS IM AT THE POINT WHERE I WANT TO LEAVE HIM BUT WE HAVE 2 KIDS TOGETHER 1 ON THE WAY AND IVE BEEN HAVING COMPLICATION WITH THIS PREGNANCY AND I ALSO HAVE A SON 8 YEARS OLD THIS MAN IS LAZY HE WONT DO MUCH OF ANYTHING BUT WATCH TV SLEEP AND EAT   WE ARE THE TOTALLY OPPOSITE AS I SAID IM PREGNANT IM IN SCHOOL AND ALSO HAVE KIDS IN SCHOOL HE DODSNT HELP OUT MUCH AROUND THE HOUSE MOSTLY IM DOING EVERYTHING COOKING FEEDING THE KIDS BATHING THE KIDS WASHING CLOTHER IRONING CLOTHES THEN WHEN IM FINISHED I BARELY HAVE TIME FOR MYSELF BUT WHILE IM DOING THESE CHORES HE WILL SAY  BABY COME LAY DOWN GET OFF YOUR FEET YOU HAVE BEEN DOING ENOUGH BUT HE WONT DO A THING AND HE DONT ALWAYS BE CALLING ME TO THE BED FOR SEX HES JUST A DISTRACTION FROM GETTING THINGS DONE WE DONT GO OUT AND DO ANYTHING ANYMORE HE TELLS ME WE HAVE KIDS SO WE CANT GO OUT AND HAVE FUN LIKE WE USED TO I DONT HAVE FRIENDS CAUSE HE EITHER SCARE THEM ALL OFF OR HE MAKES ME SEE THAT THEY ARE USING ME AND THEY ARE JEALOUS HE DONT UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN BE MAD AT SOMEONE BUT STILL BE FRIENDS WITH THEM OR KEEP IN CONTACT WITH THEM THEN HE SAYS IM ALWAYS ON THE PHONE BUT ILL BE TALKING TO MY GRANDMA OR MY MOMMA WHICH I HAVE A ROCKY RELATIONSHIP WITH (MOMMA) BUT SHE IS STILL MY MOMMA IM SO SICK AND TIRED OF HAVING THESE CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM THEN I MUST BE A WEEK MIND PERSON CAUSE EVERYONE I TALK TO IS INFLUENCING ME TO DO THINGS LIKE GO BACK TO SCHOOL HE SAYS WHO IS GONNA WATCH THE KIDS WHILE YOU GO TO SCHOOL CAUSE IM NOT SO I ENROLLED IN A ONLINE SCHOOL AND THATS STILL A PROBLEM NOW ALL I DO IS BE ON THE COMPUTER AND SOMETIMES I MIGHT CHAT WITH MY FAMILY MEMBERS ON MYSPACE AND THATS A PROBLEM CAUSE TO HIM MYSPACE IS ONLY A DATING SERVICE AND A PLACE FOR PEOPLE TO HAVE A SECRET RELATIONSHIP WHICH IM NOT DOING NOW I DID MAKE THE MISTAKE OF FINDING AN EX ON MYSPACE AND TALKING TO HIM BUT I STOPPED AND I SHEAR EVERYTHING WITH HIM AND LET HIM SEE MY MYSPACE PAGE SO HE WOULD BE CONFORTABLE BUT HE STILL SAYS THE INTERNET IS THE DEVILS PLAYGROUND SO IM NOT TRUSTED I CANT EVEN GO OUT WITH MY COUSINS THAT ARE AROUND MY AGE CAUSE HE SAYS WHY WOULD YOU BE AROUND SOMEONE ELSE YOU GOT ME AND YOU HAVE A FAMILY A MOTHER SHOULD NOT BE OUT AT NIGHT AND A MOTHER SHOULD NOT GO TO CLUBS OR PARTYS OR SKATING OR ANYTHING ELSE FUN THAT PEOPLE IN MY AGE RANGE WOULD DO CHILDREN OR NOT HE IS 20 YEARS OLDER THAN ME AND NOW HIS AGE IS STARTING TO SHOW OUR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT EVEN MAKING IT SEXUALLY HE DONT DO ANYTHING FOR ME AND I TRY TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT AND HE SAYS ITS ALL IN THE MIND AND THAT IM NOT PUTTING MY MIND THERE BUT THATS NOT TRUE MY MIND IS THERE ITS MORE THAN THERE IT HIM PLEASE GIVE ME ADVISE ON WHAT I SHOULD DO AND IF THIS IS REALLY A CASE OF A CONTROLLING HUSBAND OR IF IM MAKING MORE OUT OF THIS THAN IT SHOULD BE AND IM 24 AND HES 44 AND HE IS ALWAYS THROWING IN DONT YOU REMEMBER YOUR WEDDING VOWS I DO LOVE HIM BUT I FEEL IM NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM ANYMORE I FEEL IM MOSTLY STAYING FOR THE KIDS I JUST WANNA BE ME AND I TELL HIM HE MAKES ME UNHAPPY AND HE SAYS ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY AND I BELIEVE THAT IS TRUE BUT HOW CAN I MAKE MYSELF HAPPY WHEN IM LIVING IN A HOUSE WITH A PERSON WHO CONTROLLS MY LIFE

Answer
At what point did you lose all common sense. It's not like this guy all of a sudden became this loser. He was a loser all along the way and you went along with it. To make matters worse you have 3 kids with him. It is outrageous to me that you have brought 3 kids into this relationship. All I think you can do is protect your children. If that is in the home or out of the home then you have to make the choice. I suggest you get family to help you with the decision because up to now you have not made good choices. Bottom-line, protect your kids.
David