Expert: David Simonsen - 10/7/2008

Question
Hi there

I have been broken up from my live in boyfriend for 8 months.  We were living together for two and a half years and things weren't going so well and the weekend I was thinking about moving out he had a major stroke at age 39 and lost his vision for a while. (I am 33)  I stayed and looked after him for six months and it was a very difficult time he wasn't working a lot, got depressed and very emotionally abusive.  He packed his bags and his two children in a rage just after Christmas and I refused to take him back as the verbal abuse had gone too far.  He has been chasing me relentlessley for 8 months and I am now considering giving him another chance.  Before he left I was showing signs of severe nervousness and withdrawl it was a very emotionally upsetting time for me.  He blames the stroke for his anger and bad behaviour and says that he was just taking his fustrations out on me and that it wont happen again and that he just wants us to have a good life together.  How do I know if he has changed and can be warm and caring instead of cold and emotionally detached.
I am worried and confused if he is genuine and really cares or if he is just going to charm me for a while and then turn  back in to a cruel nasty person.

My main areas of concern were that he was inflexible and didn't like to compromise and he would try to bully me in to doing/buying what he wanted and of course the name calling nasty verbal stuff and the passive agressive tactic (Ignoring me if I make a request or disagree - for like days on end)Oh and coming up with every excuse under the sun why he shouldn't have to do something.
Help


Answer
Avril,
Dating is supposed to be about getting information. Doesn't it seem like you have enough information to make a decision? Maybe this is more about you always second-guessing yourself. I would say move on. Don't waste more years of your life to find out something you already know.
David
www.help4life.net