Expert: Nafeesah - 10/6/2008

Question
QUESTION: i have a bf frm 4 yrs..he had abusive personality..coz he controls me ,isolate me and hits ..abuse me and many more things...nw he had started hitting himself badly...i jst want to know is he curable ..coz if i leave him ..will ever he had normal life...he had only one dream to love and to be loved ..plz help dis man

ANSWER: I would not count on curing your boyfriend of this because once he's began the cycle of abuse rarely does anyone heal from this. If he's doing this to you it's time to get out of this relationship because it's only going to get worse over time. I would think about your life and the life after him. He'll never have a normal life abusing people and especially those he's in relationships with. Men who witness a lot of abuse or were abused as children and teenagers tend to become abusers themselves and repeating the same cycle. Please get out of this relationship and move on to someone who's not going to isolate you from friends and family and controling you and treating you like you don't matter.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: wat is d reason of hitting himself by belt ,shoes,hands etc..and can i stop it by any mean

Answer
You can't stop someone from abusing themselves and if you're the one being abused you're validating his behavior. What will stop your boyfriend from hurting himself is counseling and appropriate therapy. You can't fix your boyfriend's problems the only person you need to worry about is you and making sure YOU are ok. Abuse is something that doesnt warrant any excuses or reasons for it being done to someone and you can't fix what your boyfriend's dealing with and hope that all will be normal again he needs help and the help he needs is something you can't give him he needs to be in counseling and therapy to deal with his issues. You need to get out of this relationship and move on with your life and worry about yourself and what you need to do to be ok. You can do better than this guy there are men out there who will not abuse and mistreat women.