AboutNafeesah Expertise I can answer just about anything on abusive relationships, but I can't give legal advice on how to get out of one that's something you need to speak with a counselor trained and certified to deal with domestic violence issues to get resources in pursuing legal recourse.
Experience I have been in abusive relationships and I have shared my experience in helping others to get out of these types of relationships. I was in two abusive relationships one lasting nearly 2 years and the other just over 5 years.
Education/Credentials Associates degree, bachelors degree, and I am a certified nursing assistant
Question I have a problem...I have been seeing this woman from brazil for 3 yrs and 5 months, when i first meet her she took me off my feet!! we saw each other and i feel in love with her in a way i have never felt before. I found out during the course of our relationship that she was brought here to America by her Russian husband but they did not work this out in there marriage because of his gambling problems...she is still married to him officially because she needed to get her permanent green card which she just obtained. she stays in contact with him on a constant basis and he seems to always try to win her back.She is prone to epilepsy and has had brain surgery to try to correct this issue. This is one reason she stays married to the guy so she can be covered under his health care. I do very well at my job and have been trying to become a mainsupporter of this woman i have paid to send her to school which she finished but know does not want to work in this field. i have bought her 3 cars witch she has totaled in the course of her epilepsy attacks!! i try to help her but she thinks by pushing her body that she can take it and does not listen to doctors or any advise she does not want. she says that i have caused her stress and caused her brain tumor.she is a vegetarian and seems to be very hard to go out to dinner with. i feel the need to give total back ground on her so maybe you can give me insight on what to do. she was raise by her mother in brazil because her father thought that she was illegitimate and tried to kill her. her mother raised her and seemed to want to go out and party alot and still does at any chance. she was abused as a child by her uncle and beaten by her mother when she was growing up.I tried to get her counseling for her and us to work out problems but she refuses any help. when things don't go as she wants she gets her things and runs out the door to stay with her friend who is also from brazil and a alcoholic and addict. i think to myself what the hell is she running to??? i have had issues with her when she says she wants to be with someone else and i say fine and just leave her, i think she broke into my house one time and destroyed everything which see denies to this day... i ask her why do you make up that you are seeing someone else when you are not just to mess with me?? her response is that she wants to just get me mad..I have paid for everything that she wants... shopping..vacations to Venice... her dogs kimo treatments...16k wow!!!flying her mother from brazil here 2 times rio trips!! gifts for her family!!! I am really trying here but every time she gets mad she leaves me and goes to her friend, or runs to her ex.. (with no physical contact) or even a friend in Miami!!!!she is very hard to please and acts like a ass in public when she does not get her way... She says that I am perfect but i have a kid from my past marriage and she hates kids and is unhappy when she is with us... i love my daughter and try to do everything for her.. my daughter has ADHD which i treat with meds and counseling and is a great 7yr old girl..she says that we will get married after my daughter leaves in 10yrs because then she will be happy. we just got in a arguments because i was carving pumpkins for decoration and she wanted nothing to do with kids things so she went away to lye in bed. I asked her why she left and she answered that as soon as her friend loses her house here in the next 30 days she is leaving to go with husband because she does not want to be around me and my kid... she has hurt me some much in the past coming and going so many times that i have lost alot of my care i used to have for her.did i do the right thing and let her go??? i have wrote you guys and gals before and the expert said for me todrop her and seek counseling for my to get away and that i was a poor father for letting her abuse me and my daughter but i do love her and try to work tings out. what do i do??? she doesn't work and i am worried about her.
Answer Why would you be with someone who doesnt like children? You are wasting your time with her and there's this saying that if you're going to date me you have to accept my child because we are a complete package there's no we'll get married in 10 years when the daughter is gone. Number one this woman is still married to her husband LEGALLY and two she's treating you like you don't matter which is pretty bad. You can do better than her and I know what having ADD is I have that except mine is mild and doesnt require meds.
You need to lose more than your care you need to lose HER because she's only going to impose demands on you and it could be where she'll make you choose her over your child. If this woman is only married for a green card send her back to her husband because she's playing you and you deserve someone who's not married and is wanting a family whether already made or you have one together.
You are a nice guy and you deserve a lot better never lower your standards for a woman who's married and if she told you she doesnt like children that's a clear sign you have no reason to be with her. Any woman that comes along needs to realize if you're going to look at dating that you and your daughter are a complete package deal and if she can't see that it's time to move on.
You spoke to other experts and they said to drop her I have to agree with them you need to leave her. Tell her straight up that you deserve better than to date some other man's wife and that you and your daughter are a package and there's no way around it. If you are wanting a real woman she will accept your child and if she can't see that move on and cut her off meaning NO phone calls or any correspondence you are done dealing with her.
Never lower your standards to someone who clearly doesnt respect you. Nice guys like you who take care of their children and are single parents need to seek out women who respect you and are not going to treat you like the important things in your life are not worth anything. Keep in mind always RAISE THE BAR on your dating standards.
