AboutDr.Sunu Sundar Expertise I can answer questions related to sexually abusive relationships in families.
I can effectively deal with victims of abusive relationship. I am also efficient in dealing with child abuse and incest.
I am here to help others who have questions related to above said issues.
Experience I have been a dealing with victims of sexual abuse since 2000.I have dealt with many teenagers who suffered abusive relationships. Listening to victims of incest and child sexual abuse has made me a better counsellor in dealing with these issues.
Publications I have been writing on psychological issues in a Tamil monthly magazine called 'KULANTHAIGAL PARALUMANTAM'
Education/Credentials I have a Master degree in Psychology. I also have another Master degree in Sociology. I have taken intense training from the Jesuits for seven years in the field of Personality, Self, Discipline and Morality.
Question My boyfriend and I have been together for one year. I am 23 and my boyfriend is 24. In late August my Mom told me "You have to move out by October 1st" so my boyfriend I moved in together (he was living with his Mom as well). Ever since we moved in together we have been constantly fighting about little things like me leaving the kitchen a little messy when I come home for my lunch from work or him leaving his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor but most often our fights are about money. Last week it got so bad when we were fighting about my misplaced ATM card (which ended up being in his wallet) he threatened to kick me out and physically grabbed me and threw me across the room giving me a sprained wrist and bruising on my legs. I left to go back to work (in tears of course)and he called and told me all of my things would be outside in boxes when I came home. Then it turns out when I get home he hasn't packed any of my things but instead wants to say that he looked through his wallet 10 times and it was my fault we got into the fight because I freaked him out so badly (he refuses to get his own bank account so I have to cash all his paychecks and share my card with him). I made a complete fool of myself, cried to my boss about not having a place to live anymore and him "breaking up with me" only to find that he doesn't want to anymore. It is not the first time he has done things like this. I cannot keep living in a relationship where it feels like he hates me. For example, I called him from work to see if we could go to a credit union after work and open a joint checking account and he turns around and yells at me for leaving a cutting board on the kitchen counter with tomato juice and crumbs on it. He always seems to find a way to show me that I am the one who is lazy, dumb and disrespectful but to me it feels like I am trying to please him as much as I can but it's never enough and I feel that he is lazy, dumb and disrespectful towards me. He even punched his windshield out because he was mad at me. I know he has Bipolar Disorder and PTSD due to 14 years of physical and sexual abuse by his parents, but can I help him overcome these issues and have a more balanced, rational life? Or am I just beating a dead horse and will these things keep on happening? He tells me he loves me and someday wants to get married and have children but I can't believe him if he treats me like this. Is it time to move on? I love him dearly and so do my parents (for once they actually like one of my boyfriends!)and I can't picture my life without him but I just can't keep feeling like I am worthless and never do anything right. Please help me, I want to be with this man but his problems may be too much for me.
Answer Dear Mikhalia,
Greetings.
As I read your mail I am reminded of one of the similar cases like that of yours. The girl came to me and said the same like you. She said "Sir, I love him dearly, I cannot live with out him.But I know he is a cruel and brutal man.Please pray that he will change."
In 6 months of counseling it was made clear that her choice was wrong.But she took the risk of marrying him.Now I hear she has thrice attempted suicide in one year of married life.
I say this not to frighten you.
According to ancient Indian medicine Bipolar or any other diseases related to mind has a high possibility of 'transmission' to the child from the father or mother.
In my limited understanding also it seems to me that you perhaps will not succeed in changing your boy friend.
On request I shall guide you more.
Feel free to reach me through placladoc@yahoo.co.in
