AboutNafeesah Expertise I can answer just about anything on abusive relationships, but I can't give legal advice on how to get out of one that's something you need to speak with a counselor trained and certified to deal with domestic violence issues to get resources in pursuing legal recourse.
Experience I have been in abusive relationships and I have shared my experience in helping others to get out of these types of relationships. I was in two abusive relationships one lasting nearly 2 years and the other just over 5 years.
Education/Credentials Associates degree, bachelors degree, and I am a certified nursing assistant
Question QUESTION: I actually have many questions. I am going through a divorce after ten years of marriage. My wife left me to go back to an abusive spouse from before me. She dated him for 12 years and he repeatedly beat her and left her injured and sacred to get away for years. I am lost why she left me for him. This is where my questions start. Why would she go back after so many years of being out of the abuse? Will the abuse take a while to start or will it start quicker due to the past relationship? He said to her he has changed while sitting in prison 7 out of the last 10 years. Is it likely his violence will get worse? I am worried for her safety even though I know there is nothing I can do.
ANSWER: Women are emotional creatures and when you're dealing with abuse you're looking at years of damage done by someone else. You're dealing with someone who's been damaged physically, mentally, and emotionally. Abused women make excuses for their abusive parter or spouses' behavior which is a sign that they're not able to differentiate healthy love from toxic love. You really can't do anything about what is happening all you can do is pray that she'll find her way to the help she needs to deal with her abuse issues.
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QUESTION: I still love my wife (now ex- wife) dearly. Do you think without help she can ever realize and appreciate what we had? Is it a waste of my time waiting for her? When the abuse starts again now, is she likely to leave again and come back to a relationship where she was treated well, or stay with the abuser?
Answer Here's my take and please don't take this the wrong way, but she made a choice to go back to something she knew wasnt good for her. Women who are abused have a tendency to stay with someone or continue to attract abusive people or those who don't treat others right. You love her and it's clear you do, but you have to let her go because she'll have to hit rock bottom for her to realize where she's messing up. All you can do is get on with your life because you're wasting precious time which can be used to heal and meet someone else over holding on to feelings for someone who didnt want to be with you. She has to be the one to seek help you can't fix her situation. All you can do is hope for the best and let it be until she decides to get her head right on things.
