Expert: David Simonsen - 11/23/2008

Question
Hi, my name is Amay I am 26 and from northern Canada... I have two children ages 5 and 7... I have been with my boyfriend now for 7 years... Before I had met him I was on social assistance with my first child... He seemed so sweet and nice I was just starting to get back on track with my life... 4 Months after we met I had become pregnant with  my second child and that was when all of the name calling started... He will call me everything from A to Z but then he always apologies afterwards he says the only reason he will say the things he says is because of what he went through as a child... His parents were physically and Verbally abusive to each other and every night this would go on while they would drink... His parents are still together as of this day and still live that same life... I do not drink because I know the consequences... I am so tired of being told how useless I am I had never finished school so right now I stay at home with the kids because there is no lunch programs to put them in he reminds me how all the other wives at work are doing these great jobs and that I should be more like them... And every day he tells me and reminds me that what I do here at home is nothing, He tells me constantly to shut it if I even try to answer back... He will call me a B***h and tell me the I am f****d in the head... He has me believing him and I really do believe him... When I try to leave out the door to go and try to talk to someone say at the hospital he will block it and shove me away from it while putting me down still... I can never just walk away and go to another room because he will follow me and remind me once again of what I am... He wont even go to bed with me anymore... he will stay up until 1 in the morning playing games and watching TV... The only time he says he will come to bed is if I am willing to have sex... It is to the point where I wont even sleep with him anymore... I constantly ask him to come and see a counsellor or someone so we can find out why I am such a stubborn b***h but he wont... He even unplugs and hides the phone on me so I cant call out... He constantly tells me when I say I am going to leave that I will just be a useless bum like I was before I met him... And that really hurts because if I had known that that's what he thought of me and he only took me in because he felt bad for me then I would have never stayed with him... I can not even sleep anymore, It is 1am and I am downstairs writing to you and he is upstairs watching TV... When he is done with the TV he will come down here and nag me with his names and eventually I will go just so he stops... I don't know what to do anymore I don't even know if I made any sense to you... But I feel so lost and alone I left everything behind just for Him I have no friends or family anymore I moved 8 hours away from my life support just to help him... Now he wont help me... I am tired of hearing his excuses and why everything is ok with him and not me... I want us to see a counsellor but he has made it perfectly clear that he wont go to see one... Should I go alone? I don't see how it can work with just one of us unless what he says about me is true.

Answer
Amay,
You need to call up your family and let them know that foolish choice you have made. Apologize for your arrogance and immediately return home. It wouldn't be for your sake it would be for your children sake. They SHOULD NOT be in a home with an abusive man like this. If you choose it then so be it, but it IS NOT fair for your children to have to endure pain because of your weakness. Please for their sake move back to family tomorrow.
David
www.help4life.net