Question I have been married for 15 years. My husband and I have four kids. We had an arguement a week ago today. He hollered at me and called a few bad things. I waited until he would stop, then state my case. He told me to go away, but this time, I followed him as he went into our room. I simply stated my case. I was mad, but I remained firm yet calm, stating my case, as I stood in the doorway.
He pulled me inside the room by my spandex tank top, then slammed the door (so the kids wouldn't see or hear), lifed me up by my shirt, then slammed me on the bed. He yanked me around by my shirt a few times as I lay on the bed, called me a cunt and bitch. I screamed as I never heard myself scream before. I then bolted out of the room. Later when things were a little more calm, we talked and argued some. We spoke about divorce.
This was the first time ever where he physically assaulted me. The following day, I felt fine and ran six miles with my running girlfriends. I felt a pain in my side, thought it was a side pang (as runner get), but I would soon realize it was an injury from him. This is a week later, and the pain still hasn't left. I haven't been able to run since. It's hard to do housework, too. It hurts to sleep.
I've had a lot of time to think about what happened. I've thought about the red flags (like once he pulled my hair when we dated, out of anger, once he pushed me, when we argue, he behaves in somewhat a taunting manner, so I usually back down). He's never gone this far.
I have a degree. I have thought about getting into teaching. I homeschool my four kids. My instinct is to believe this kind of homelife is not really suitable to homeschool, though I enjoy it and have been doing it for over two years now. I have expressed an interest in getting a teacher's credential, so I may teach elementary school kids and have a career, be able to support my children should my husband and I split up.
My husband is supportive, then other moods he'll claim that I am planning on leaving him once I get my credential and becomes angry. Basically, he flip flops on his moods and attitudes.
He has called me horrible names on and off through out our marriage. I have always have fear of him, fear of his anger. He crossed the line a week ago, but then he blames me for following him down the hallway as he went into the room. He wants me to take some credit for provoking him to hurt me.
He works hard for his family. Far as I know, he's never cheated on me. He can be loving, then at times he seems to be brooding. He works overtime a lot and is tired.
I am asking your opinion. Am I making the right choice in putting my kids back in public school, so I may attain my credential and start a career? Am I at fault for the assault he did? Is there a chance he may stop if he realizes that I am serious about moving on and making a change, so I am not so financially dependent on him?
What are my best choices? Do men like this ever change?
Answer If you want to have independence, you will need to support yourself. That is a good thing. I would say that you did nothing wrong in following your husband down the hall, there is no excuse for violence. I have no idea if he will change or not. That is up to him.
