Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 12/30/2008

Question
I have been in a relationship with a woman with two children; I myself have 2 children. in the two years I have known her, she has come close to me then spaces herself. she tells me she needs time to sort out her life. Since she was just divorced when I first met her, I considered that and have given her space. However, alot of roadblocks have come in our way. She decided to involve her narsistic psycho ex (seriously)back in her life which made our relationship go stail. She calls me everyday, and says she misses me and then she wont call for days and keeps her phone off. As soon as things get better and I feel she is getting her confidence back,her ex does something terrible and then she seems to run away from me. I know she had an abusive relationship with him and she has been scared of what he might do in the past, but says she is not scared anymore. however, I feel like I am riding a rollercoaster of emotions with her, every week. I ask her if she loves me and she will answer "what do you think?" or I will say that I think she does not care about me like I do of her, and she will respond" If thats what you think, or why would you think that. She has told me that she knows sometimes she treats me badly or takes her stress out on me, and that she is sorry, but most of the time she is angry. She never was like this when I met her, and I know she is very stressed out, but I do love her and we have talked about getting married. She has avoided me alot lately saying she is very busy, and her life is upside down, however I have done everything, emotionally and financially to keep her on her feet. She does say she appretiates it but I never get anything in return like time invested in me. I am not very selfish so it doesnt bother me too much but is she really on the level here? Is she abusing me mentally? should I give her a chance. After not hearing from her for a couple of days I ran into her at a store but she was very hurried and said she would call me later.(her sister was visiting from U.S. and leaving that day, which I think is true.

Answer
Dear David

I think the woman has some serious personal issues that if you value your happiness you will cut and run. At a minimum she sounds passive aggressive which means she will continue to be this way. You need to take a break, say 6 months, and see what happens. That means NO contact, telephone calls, etc.