Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 12/7/2008

Question
My husband goes from giving me silent treatment and withholding sex from two week, two to four months to recently 12 months.   Is there any hope?  He blames me for anything wrong in our life, my weight, our house, my job or anything that displeases him.  I am exhausted with it. Sometimes he comes around if I act like I am done with him, but lately, that has not helped.

Answer
Dear Jill,
I am so glad that you wrote.  It takes a lot of courage to begin the process of gathering information and I hope that I can give you a little food for thought as I answer your question.

It seems that you are asking the question, "is there any hope?"  Although this seems like a very hopeless situation, if both parties are committed to working out problems in the relationship, there is always hope.  The problem comes when one person sees issues and the other person is unwilling to acknowledge them or discuss them.  

It sounds as though there are quite a few inappropriate ways of coping with problems happening here which produce hurt and polarization in the marriage relationship.  One of the most hurtful things you described is that your husband is withdrawing love.  Withdrawing love from anyone is torturous and it produces negative results, no matter what the reason is for doing it.

You didn't indicate whether there were alcohol or drugs involved, but these substances can have an effect on mood, irritability etc.

Because I don't know enough about your situation, I don't believe it would be worthwhile to speculate so I will leave my answer to this length.  Please feel free to contact me again if you believe I could be of further assistance to you.

Blessings, Kriss