Expert: Nafeesah - 12/28/2008

Question
hello... i'm a girl and i'm 12 years old and i'm in grade 7. i was molested a year ago but i didn't know that it was molestation so i didn't find out that i was molested until recently. when i was 11 years old and in grade 6, i used to have a babysitter who was 17 years old and she told me that she was in grade 12. i moved to a new house in a different city when i started grade 7 so she doesn't babysit me anymore. that babysitter used to always bring over her boyfriend with her every time she babysat me. before learning about sexual education this year in school, i knew almost nothing about sex and all i knew was that private parts are supposed to be covered in public because it's rude to show them. on the first day my babysitter babysat me, she brought her boyfriend over. she asked me that day if i would mind if her boyfriend takes off his pants. i said no and then her boyfriend took off his pants and underwear and she started sucking his dick. i asked her why she was sucking on his private part and she told me that she does it because boys' dicks taste really good. she asked me if i wanted to try and i said yes and i loved the  taste of his dick when i first sucked it! i couldn't believe that a body part can taste so good... but it does! i thought that his dick was really yummy and delicious and when he ejaculated and white cum came out of it, i thought that the cum was really tasty, too. i had no idea that sucking a boy's dick was sexual in any way! and i had no idea that the boy got any pleasure out of it. for almost my whole grade 6 year, i sucked my babysitter's boyfriend's dick everytime i was babysat and i would always ask him first if i can please suck his dick before he asked me if i wanted to. i didn't have vaginal sex or anal sex but i used to suck my babysitter's boyfriend's dick the whole time my babysitter was over. i sucked his dick while i was watching tv, playing video games, on the computer, taking a bath, taking a crap on the toilet, reading a book, studying, doing homework, or just chatting with my babysitter. i just really loved the taste of his dick and it was my favorite thing to do. the first time i sucked my babysitter's boyfriend's dick, she told me not to tell anyone that i suck his dick because then everyone would know the secret that boys' dicks taste great. so, i didn't tell anyone and i still haven't told anyone about what happened. i was so shocked when i learned all about sexual education this year and figured out that that's a type of sex that should only be done by a girl to her boyfriend! and that boy wasn't my boyfriend... he was my babysitter's boyfriend! i looked online for more information about what happened to me and i found out recently that i was molested. i'm really confused now about what i should do... but i'm lucky that i found out that sucking a boy's dick is sexual before i asked a boy in my school if i can suck his dick. i was planning to ask a boy at school if i can please suck his dick but i was too shy and i realize now that it's a good thing that i didn't ask. anyways, do you think that i should tell my parents? i don't wanna because i think that they'll make a bigger deal out of this than it really is. i know that i would be classified as being "molested" but i don't think that anything really bad happened to me and i don't feel any anger towards my old babysitter or her boyfriend. i don't know if boys' dicks are supposed to taste really yummy but i liked the taste of dicks when i first sucked one and i admit it, i still like the taste of them. whenever i think about dicks (even if i don't think about sucking them), my mouth starts drooling! and when i moved to a different city, i really missed sucking my babysitter's boyfriend's dick because his dick tasted really good to me. i even cried on the day we moved but i didn't tell my parents the real reason that i was crying (and that was because i missed sucking dick). the only bad thing about getting "molested" to me is that i have to keep a secret from everyone for the rest of my life. and i know that this might sound weird, but i think that there are 2 things about me getting molested so overall, it was a good thing that i got molested. now, even before i get a boyfriend, i know that sucking dick will be my favorite type of sex. the other good thing is that i got to enjoy the yummy taste of a boy's dick for a whole year. so, i know that i'll be really happy when i get a boyfriend because i'm like addicted to sucking dick now. but don't worry, i'll only suck the dick of the boy who's my boyfriend (when i get one) because i know that only couples who love each other are supposed to have sex. i think that the best thing to do for me would be to just face the truth and move on. i realize now that sucking my babysitter's boyfriend's dick was sexual and i shouldn't have done it because he wasn't my boyfriend and i was lucky that i didn't get caught. i should just move on now and only suck the dicks of boys who are my boyfriend at the time. so, do you think that i have a good reason not to tell anyone about what happened with me and just to move on and forget about it? i've tried other online advice websites and the feedback i've gotten is that i should tell my parents but i don't know if i should follow their advice because i really think that would be a bad thing to do!

Answer
Jessica,

Please listen to what I am going to tell you having oral sex with this guy is dangerous because you don't know who he's getting involved with besides his girlfriend. This guy could be engaging in sexual activity outside of his relationship and the worst thing that could happen is that he can give you a sexually transmitted disease. The boyfriend can be charged with statutory rape and the babysitter could face charges of being an accessory to the sexual abuse of a minor which is a serious felony and giving the fact that she worked as a babysitter she could lose her job and once you're a convicted felon jobs working with children and people in general can be hard.

You're 12 years old what the heck is this guy thinking that he can get away with having a kid give him oral sex. I think not only you should tell your parents, but you should also notify the babysitter's parents as well if she's an older teenager. Was she fully aware of her boyfriend doing this? If she was she can be arrested too because she had knowledge of what was going on and didnt do anything to stop it. Right now you're too young for a boyfriend and dating and if this has you traumatized you should seek appropriate counseling because this has had some effect on you. I wouldnt do anything sexual with guys period because you're young and you got plenty of time to experience sex when you're an adult.

I would tell your parents so they can begin to look at someone else who is more trust worthy and will follow the rules apparently the babysitter wasnt given clear instructions that while she's on the clock she's not to have visitors up in the house. She's getting paid to do a job not to entertain herself with her boyfriend. The conduct was not only inappropriate, but was also wrong as well. I wouldnt forget this because it's important to tell your parents what happened and be honest your parents love you and want to help you and not see you hurt and this will stop the babysitter from having to do this with other people's kids as well. The boyfriend's conduct was inappropriate and wrong he has a girlfriend who's the same age he has no reason to look at a 12 year old.