Expert: Eugenia Springer, Ph.D. - 2/14/2008

Question
Hello,

I am in a situation where I need some clarity about what I am facing.   To keep this short, a person i know that is close to me, has in the past been a sexual molester, and abuser towards his wife.  He know longer abuses his wife but has had some "sexual" type thoughts in his head.    He is a older man (71 years of age).  This person has always been good to me, yet I am facing issues of trusting him and being concerned that I can get hurt.  Part of me feels sympathetic for this person, especially since he is older and lonely most of the time. I try to be civil with this person yet I am cautious for keeping myself safe around him.  He recently had an episode of a sexual matter that bothered me.  My concerns are to keep this person for doing anything "stupid" to anyone.  He recently harassed my neighbor with a sex type note.  I feel he needs help but he sees nothing wrong with what he did.  I am not sure what type of steps I can take to help an older person who basically doesn't care anymore about what happens to him or other people.  I feel like it may come to a point where he will get into trouble for his actions and then suffer the consequences.   Any advice for my troubling thoughts?

Thank you

Answer
Vanessa,

This older man you care about has a history of being a sexual molester and a spouse abuser, and though the spousal abuse has come to an end, the sexual molestation has not ended.  Not only has it not ended, this gentleman seems to have given up on ending his reputation as a sex molester.  From what you are saying he no longer cares--not about himself, and definitely not about potential victims.   

But you like him.  He is close to you.  You can see the beauty in him, but even you need to be careful, to be wary.  If his heart is unregenerate, what can you do?  Well, there is one thing you can do. You can direct him to some place where he can obtain help. If he refuses to get help you would have no alternative but to leave him to the consequences of his behavior.

Dr. ES