AboutAzure Expertise can answer all relationship questions involving unhealthy, addictive, or otherwise unhappy arrangements, except those involving the legalities of physical abuse..
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Question Alright, all afternoon i have been reading up on people who have been abused in the relationships. Currently my girlfriend and i of almost 2 years had broken up. We had broken up and gotten back together about 5+ times. She is 16 in high school and i am 19 in college. We started dating when i was till in high school. We had been doing the long distance relationship for all last year, and tried doing it again. She broke up with me all the time. She started dating other guys and sleeping with other guys in between. It hurt me alot, cause i still loved her. This time we broke up a few days ago, and i have been reading posts and asking questions to try and help me feel better.
I am worried that i was possibly an abuser in this relationship. She had always told me i was to controlling. I had very little trust with her texting and talking to other guys. It had been reasons on why we broke up several of the other times. I had asked her to not text other guys, or if she did to just let me know about it. She said she would. Soon it got to the point where when i did go home to see her after a few weeks, she would lie to me about it. Last time i had seen her before we broke up, we got into several fights. I would try asking her about it, and she would roll over and ignore me. It got really annoying, all i wanted her to do was just talk to me about it. Also not having much time to spend together was hard, when we would spend it fighting. There were several times i would grab and tear off the blankets to get her attention to talk to me.
She would just freak out and ask me to leave. i would sit down next to her and tell her i was worry, while she was freaking out. She sometimes would get upset and try hitting me (even though it didnt hurt, she just needed her space.) I would grab her arms and ask her to stop. Many times we would just end up crying in seperate rooms, until we both really messed up. I was always scared that she was cheating on me, cause she had hurt me so bad in the past. She would tell me that i could check her email... so on hard days, i would.
I hated having the relationship be like this. i don't want it to be like that in my next relationship. Why did this happen in the first place? i am such a nice guy, but she got me so upset and worried all the time. What can i do to prevent this? no one should be treated like this. What can i do to help myself from this again? Even though our relationship is over. Was i that controlling? I felt sometimes i had a good reasons for things in the past that she did. I couldn't trust her.
Answer it's bigger than that--she's a kid, acting like a kid that needs, wants, and should have, the freedom to date whomever she wants; at your age, guys are fighting in the army; not to mention, your insecurity, perhaps low self-esteem, made you jealous, possessive, controlling...bottom line, she was too young, and you need to do some reading on increasing self-esteem....
