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Question
me and this girl like each other.. but were both scared cuz of the guy she is with.. i mean ... he's obsessed over the girl and always tells me that if i dont get the point to not talk to her . he will beat me up.. so i dont kno what to do. . we want to be together but... she dont want to take the chance of me gettin beat up in all... so i would like some advice plz..thank u bye
Todd,
People usually care a whole lot about their intimate relationships. The right thing would be for the girl to decide if she wants to be in a relationship with this other person. If she is unhappy with him, she could get out of the relationship. But she should not get out of it to go with another person. After a person leaves a dysfunctional relationship they should take time to find out how they contributed to its dysfunction. They should learn from their past so they would not repeat the mistake in subsequent relationships.
Since this girl is in another relationship, would it be wise for you to be seeing her? If you linger and succeed in getting her to be with you (and I am not sure what that means) the consequences could be more than the risk of being attacked by her present boyfriend. A greater risk could be that just what is happening to him could happen to you. She could be with you while eyeing someone else out there.
There is an adage that says, "what goes around, comes around." Another way of saying the same thing is, "what you sow you reap." Be careful what you sow. Be careful what you invite into your life.
Sometimes what could be just a good healthy lasting friendship is allowed to become through intimacy a short term fling.
Take care of yourself, Todd. Take care of yourself.
Dr. ES
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Answers by Expert:
Eugenia Springer, Ph.D.
Expertise
I can answer your questions on how to stop being a victim, and/or how to stop being an abuser. My ability to help you, however, would depend on your willingness to assume full responsibility for helping yourself.
Experience
From the 1970s to the present, my life has been a search after knowing my purpose, knowing myself, and knowing God. I talk about this search in my 2002 book, "Further Insights Into the Journey".
After years of teaching biology at university, I became a radio Family Life Counselor, and a newspaper columnist, responding to callers on radio, and replying to letters from the public, in the newspapers.
My book for the adolescent girl, "Girl, It's All About You"(Review & Herald Publishers 1980, and out of print) was my attempt to marry my field of training--biology, and my adoptive field--interpersonal relationships.
"Further Insights Into the Journey" is about my search for personal freedom--a search for freedom from external controls; for freedom from fear. Through very instructive experiences, many sorely trying, I uncovered that freedom within me, and found myself progressively experiencing increasingly greater measures of peace.
To get your copy of "Further Insights Into The Journey" email me at dreugenia.springer@live.com
For a few years I hosted and produced the weekly call-in radio program, Life and Living/Soul to Soul on radio station Power102fm.
Education/Credentials
Certificate in Parenting and Family Life Counseling
Certificate in Dianetics Counseling
Ph.D. in Zoology (specializing in Biochemical Genetics)
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